Between Life and Lies
by KayLyn666
Summary: 17 year old Joy-Anna had spent her entire life growing up on one of the worst sides of New York City. When her father has finally had enough of her bad behavior, he ships her to live with her cousin, Dallas Winston, in Tulsa. When she winds up involved in a scandal that would ultimately cost her her cousin's life, she learns that Tulsa is no different than NYC after all.
1. Prologue - Where it all Began

"_Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,__  
__And sorry I could not travel both__  
__And be one traveler, long I stood__  
__And looked down one as far as I could__  
__To where it bent in the undergrowth;__Then took the other, as just as fair,__  
__And having perhaps the better claim__  
__Because it was grassy and wanted wear,__  
__Though as for that the passing there__  
__Had worn them really about the same,__And both that morning equally lay__  
__In leaves no step had trodden black.__  
__Oh, I kept the first for another day!__  
__Yet knowing how way leads on to way__  
__I doubted if I should ever come back.__I shall be telling this with a sigh__  
__Somewhere ages and ages hence:__  
__Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,__  
__I took the one less traveled by,__  
__And that has made all the difference.__" – Robert Frost_

* * *

_Dear Dad,  
I hate you. I hate you for sticking me on this train. I hate you for sending me off to Tulsa, of all the places in the entire fucking world. I hate you for telling me I had no choice – that I had no choice but to go live with Dallas and Uncle Carl. I hate you for thinking that getting me out of the city would help. I fucking hate you._

_Sincerely yours,  
Joy-Anna. _

Joy was anything but joyful as she looked out the window as the trees whizzed past. She had just boarded the train connecting her from Texas to Oklahoma City, where her cousin, Dallas Winston, was due to pick her up. She had been on the train for what felt like a lifetime, though in reality, it had been less than a week since she left her studio apartment behind, for a life of misery halfway across the country.

Her father had decided, that after her 15th arrest in the last 6 months, that she needed to escape the city once and for all. She, on the other hand, didn't see it that way. She would have much rather stayed where she was.

Sure, she'd seen enough people get shot. She'd sold drugs to make a living. She stole. She got blitzed. She fell into the wrong crowd. But then, so did most people. All of her friends had their troubles. Moving her to Tulsa sure as hell wasn't going to solve them.

She continued to stare out of the window, as the scenery began to change. They were crossing through one of the bigger cities. But then, everything was bigger in Texas.

"I just don't get it," she huffed, throwing the notebook she'd been writing it aside. "Why the hell did he have to send me to Tulsa? Why not Florida with Aunt May?" she didn't care that people were giving her funny looks for talking to herself. She'd gotten funny looks since the moment she boarded the train, her long, jet black hair greased back, her ice blue eyes shining with hatred. She didn't care that people stared at her ratty old leather jacket, a hand-me-down from Dallas himself, wrapped tightly around her despite the summer's heat. Her jeans were torn. Her bag, covered in dirt, among other things.

She didn't care. She looked like a hood, and she didn't care one bit. Rather, she felt quite proud. It wasn't often that a female in her neighborhood looked more like a hood than a tramp. She wasn't into the big hair, short skirts and loads of makeup. She'd rather rough it like her family always had. Having been raised by boys her entire life, she looked more like her older brother, Sam, than anything else. Except, unlike her brother, she let her hair grow down to her waist. She rarely ever got it cut, except after the fire incident a few months earlier. The damn incident that ripped away her freedom, causing her to spend three months in the cooler, for something she didn't even do.

The time she spent in the cooler made her even more rebellious. Even more determined to undermine authority. That was why she didn't understand why her father thought it was fit to send her to live with her cousin. Dallas was as bad as she was, if not worse. He was known for being sly, sneaky and trouble always seemed to find him, wherever he went. He had been the one who got her involved in the drug trade in the city to begin with. He helped her get out of trouble more than once. But only at the expense of breaking the law even more.

But her father didn't care. _It'll be good for you_, he said. _Maybe you'll learn some respect._ He continued. She argued and argued, but it was a useless cause. He was shipping her off, and so he did. Now she sat, contemplating her escape, while the hills and trees flew past her window.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," she said to herself as she looked down at the little piece of paper in her hands. "At least I'll be with Dallas again," she went on. "He's the only person that ever gave a flying fuck about me no how." She leaned back on the uncomfortable bench and closed her eyes, hoping to get at least a few minutes of sleep before she had to push her way through a crowd of ignorant Social freaks.

A loud bang made her jump upright. She spun around in her seat, trying to find the source of the sound. To her, it sounded exactly like a gunshot, a very familiar sound. To her surprise, it was just some stupid kid, who happened to drop the world's heaviest book. She sighed and leaned against the window, wishing for the damn train to move faster. She hated spending this much time doing absolutely nothing. She hated feeling trapped, feeling locked in a cage. It reminded her of her time in the cooler.

When the train finally pulled to a stop at the station, she was one of the first ones off the train. All she had with her was an old, tattered backpack. She pulled it over her shoulder before pushing through the crowd, hoping to see Dally somewhere in the mass of people waiting for their friends and family to unload. She spotted him standing near a payphone. His eyes were scanning the crowd. He hadn't seen her yet. She sighed and pushed her way between a pair of Socs who were taking up more space than they were worth. She nearly tripped when one elbowed her in the ribs. She turned, her eyes burning with fury as she pushed the guy back as hard as she could, causing him to fall flat on his ass.

"Hey you little Greaser Monkey, why don't you go home where you belong?" the girl who had been standing next to him growled.

"Why don't you kiss my ass?" She spat. She took a step towards Joy as a small circle formed around us. Joy threw her bag to the side, her temper getting the best of her. The other girl, a tall, thin blonde, threw herself at Joy before she had a chance to react. Thankfully, Joy was used to the brawl like fights. She threw punches, quick and hard, not caring that she was flat on her back. She bit into the girls arm, causing her to jolt back.

"You little freak!" she screamed, pulling her blood arm to her body. Joy smirked, pleased with herself, as she spit out the girl's blood. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve before picking up her bag and half running, half walking towards Dally, who was smiling proud at her.

"Still feisty as ever," he chuckled, throwing his arm around her. She was a foot taller than she was, despite them both being relatively the same age.

"Naturally," she laughed as she walked along, not caring that she was getting glares from those around her. "That little…that little Mustang driving, beer-bash throwing…fluffy foo froo cunt needed to be taught a lesson!" she growled under her breath and she pushed ahead of Dally, needing fresh air more than anything.

As soon as they reached the parking lot, she pulled a pack of Kools out of her pocket, lit up, and took a long, hard drag. Her heart was still racing in her chest as she walked over to Dally's car, the same car he used to drive in New York all the time. She leaned against the bumper, letting the burning sensation ease her nerves.

"Your ol' man sounded pissed when he called to let us know you were coming, you give him a hard time again?" Dally asked, standing beside her.

"Got locked up a few times. Spent more than my share of time in Juvy, then got thrown in with the big guys when that damn fire broke out," she sighed. "Rather have spent that time in Juvy. The big time ain't so great." She shivered at the memories. She still had the scar from the first jail fight she'd been involved in. A long, deep scar that ran from her chest down to her belly button. Some fat, cocky bitch said the wrong thing to her, she went ape shit, then the damn bitch sliced her real good.

"Joy!" Dally scolded her. "What'd I always tell ya?"

"Don't get caught," she grunted. "Wasn't my fault, Dally, honest."

"Uh-huh, kid, you gotta use your head!" he hollered.

"I said it wasn't my fault!" she growled. She opened the car door and slammed it behind her with enough force that Dally gritted his teeth.

The ride back to Tulsa wasn't too long, but the silence made Joy even more jumpy. She wasn't used to it. She was used to the loud, busy sounds of the city. Dally didn't say much to her as he drove, just asked her what her plans were, if she'd be going to school, stuff like that. She didn't want to talk about that right then, but she'd rather have him rattle on about useless stuff than sit in silence. Silence made her nervous. Noise, now that was something she could handle.

Her back ached from the fight, but she didn't complain. She felt proud that she was still able to carry her own, even without her trusty blade in her pocket. Her father had taken everything except her lighter from her before she boarded the train. He was smart to do so. He knew Joy wouldn't be afraid to pull it on the first person who looked at her the wrong way.

When Dally pulled up in front of Buck's, Joy gave him a dirty look.

"What?" he grunted, glaring at her.

"Can't we just go to your dad's? I need a shower," she grumbled.

"You can walk to my ol' man's if you want to. I ain't goin' home just yet," he snapped.

"Please?" she asked as sweet as she could. He sighed and muttered something under his breath before turning the car around and heading down a few streets. He pulled up in front of his house and practically kicked her out of the car.

"I'll pick you up in an hour," he called as she slammed the door. Thinking twice, she opened the door again and gave him a funny look.

"Why?"

"Because you don't wanna be here when he gets home," he said with a shrug. "I'm sure Darry'll let you crash on his couch tonight."

"Who?" She asked, giving him a look again.

"Darry Curtis. You'll meet him later. Go on, get done," he said nearly pulling off before she could close the door. Sighing, she headed up the stairs, into the house.

The house was quiet. Too quiet. Joy immediately carried her bag into the bathroom and turned the water on. She rummaged through her bag until she found what she was looking for. Her eyeliner, her hair grease, her brush, and her tooth brush. She also pulled out a bottle of shampoo and conditioner, before pulling out her black jeans and an old black t-shirt. She tossed her dirty clothes on the floor before pulling the curtain shut, the hot water streaming down on her, easing the ache from her bones.

She examined the bruises on her body. The ones on her back hurt the worst, but she knew they'd heal quickly. The one on her shoulder looked the worst, but that was the one caused by non-other than her old man, who had no problem tossing her around like he did the boys. She washed her hair quickly, working the grease and dirt from her long locks.

Once she was showered and changed, she wandered through the house, looking for something to entertain herself with until Dally came back. Normally, she'd just walk around by her lonesome, but she didn't know Tulsa well enough to even consider that. She knew that Socs strayed far out of their own territory at times, even here in dumb-fuck nowhere. She didn't need to risk getting caught up with them already.

Instead, she wandered outside, threw her bag at her feet and sat on the steps, watching as the neighborhood kids ran amuck.

"God, I hate it here," she muttered as she took out her notebook and began writing. Little did she know that her time in Tulsa would be a lot more eventful than all the years she spent in New York City. Even the worst crimes would seem small next to the adventure she was about to get mixed up in.

* * *

_**A/n - Welcome to yet another one of my Outsiders Fics! This one goes far out of my normal writing patterns, so bear with me!**_

_**Summery Extended Version:**_

_**17 year old Joy-Anna had spent her entire life growing up on one of the worst sides of New York City. When her father has finally had enough of her bad behavior, he ships her to live with her Cousin Dallas Winston, in Tulsa. Jay is beyond aggravated with her father's decision, but when she winds up involved in a scandal that would ultimately cost her her cousin's life, she learns that Tulsa is no better than NYC after all. With her attitude far from in check, a wild child as her only real friend, and nothing but rumbles and stealing and other criminal things to keep her busy, Joy finds herself struggling to find her place in the gang, as well as in a city she'd never been to before. **_

_**Between Life and Lies follows the events of The Outsiders, but from a different standpoint. It starts about two months after the Curtis's lose their parents, and won't end until after the events of the book itself. Join Joy, as she lives the events of the book through a female's eye. **_

_**Warning - there may be a pairing later on. I haven't decided just yet. Rating due to crude language. **_


	2. Chapter 1 - Know Your Place

"_We came to battle baby  
We came to win the war  
We won't surrender 'till we  
Get what we're looking for  
We're blowin' out our speakers  
There goes the neighborhood  
A little scissor happy  
Little miss-understood  
We can turn you on,  
Or we will turn on you  
Daughters of Darkness  
Sisters insane  
A little evil goes a long, long way  
We stand together  
No we're not afraid  
We'll live forever…" – Halestorm "Daughters of Darkness"_

* * *

I got tired of waiting for Dally real quick. The whole 'oh, I'll be back in an hour' obviously wasn't his plan. I glanced at the clock, knowing that Carl would be home at 6 and having no intentions of being there when he did, I grabbed my bag and hurried out the front door, even though I had no idea where I was going.

Dally's neighborhood didn't look much different from the one he used to live in in New York. The streets were dirty, the people even dirtier. It felt like home. I wandered carelessly, my head held high. I had managed to find a small knife in the kitchen, so I was armed, dangerous, and ready to rumble.

I wasn't looking for a fight, though. I never was. The always seemed to find me. I was walking down 5th street when a group of all too prissy Socs came up behind me, cornering me in an alleyway.

"Look at the fresh meat," one snarled. I spit in his face, not caring that that pissed him off.

"Look what the cat dragged in," I shot back.

"Oh, a feisty little piece of meat," another of the boys hooted. I stood my ground, not caring that my back was against a wall, literally. My hand flew to my back pocket, my fingers tightening around the handle of the blade.

"Wonder if she screams when you grab her," a blonde boy chuckled.

"Let's find out," the other boy teased. He reached for me, but my eyes caught the movements as quickly as he planned them. As his hand reached for me, I ducked and spun him around, my blade pressed loosely to his throat.

"Still wanna fuck with me?" I snarled, tightening my grip.

"Man, c'mon, she's crazy," one of the other two boy said, backing up slowly. "We don't need to fuck with the likes of that."

"Let me go," the kid I had struggled against my knife. I smiled maliciously as I dug the blade into the flesh of his throat.

"Come near me again, and you'll be dead," I hissed in his ear. "I promise." I let him go, shoving him hard in the opposite direction. He lost his footing and hit the ground rolling, which caused me to laugh softly. The boys darted off, fear in their eyes.

"I ain't crazy," I called after them. "I'm a Winston!"

I spun on my heel, feeling far more confident in the new city now. I half ran, half walked down the street, looking for something vaguely familiar. When I located the DX Station, I figured at the least, someone working there could point me in the direction of Buck's. If I knew Dallas, he was off getting blitzed or looking for trouble. That was just the way we rolled.

The little bell above the door chimed as I walked in. The kid at the counter looked about 16. He had remarkable, dark eyes, a dancing smile, and dark, golden hair. I smiled at him as I strutted over, leaning carelessly on the counter.

"Hey," he smiled brightly. I nodded in response.

"I'm looking for Buck's?" I asked. "Or rather, I'm looking for Dallas Winston."

"Why?" the kid asked, suddenly tensing up.

I groaned softly and relaxed my cold stare. "He's my cousin, and his stupid self hasn't been back to pick me up yet."

"Oh, you must be Joy-Anna!" the kid said, his smile widening. "Dally's talked about you."

"Joy," I corrected. "Just Joy. And nothing good I bet!"

"He's swinging by here on his way to the house, you can stick around some if you want," the kid said brightly. "I'm Sodapop."

"Excuse me?" I said. This kid was as crazy as the rest of 'em.

"Really. Even says so on my birth certificate. Got a kid brother named Ponyboy too," he said brightly.

"Whatever," I grunted. "When did Dallas say he was coming by?"

"Any time now," Sodapop said with a soft laugh. "You look like you've gotten in a rumble or something."

"Naw, just had to put a few Socs in their place," I laughed. This kid wasn't so bad after all. "I don't like people thinkin' just 'cause I'm small, I can't carry my own, ya dig?"

"Uh-huh!" Sodapop agreed quickly.

The bell over the door chimed again and in walked another kid, around the same age as Sodapop. He had ice blue eyes, sandy-blonde hair, and a fierce look about him. He walked right past me, giving Sodapop a funny look.

"Steve, this here is Joy, Dally's cousin," Sodapop introduced us.

"Huh, I pictured her way different," Steve noted, looking me up and down. I growled under my breath, not liking that comment one bit.

"She's pretty tuff, Steve. Carried her own out there on her way over," Sodapop bragged. "She sure is feisty, like Dally said she was."

"Really?" Steve asked, giving me a dubious look. "How many were there?"

"Four," I said automatically. It felt like being back in the gang at home. Everyone wanted details, though no one really wanted to believe a chick my size could take on that many Socs. "Managed to get one pretty good, the other three ran like hell was after 'em."

"You carry a blade?" Steve asked with sincere curiosity.

"Don't leave home without one," I shrugged. "Why?"

"Cause the guys 'round here ain't afraid to throw a woman around," he shrugged. "Not that that's nothin' new for you."

"You ain't a woofin'," I chuckled. These two kids were too much like the kids I knew back home. They were easy to talk to. It was a whole different experience for me. I felt myself letting my guard down. As soon as I realized I was, it snapped back up and my features hardened.

"Let Dallas know I'm 'round back," I called as I walked out of the store, around the back to admire the Impala that was sitting in the garage. The car was beautiful, real tuff looking too. My dad drove an Impala for a few years back home, but ended up totaling it when he got blitzed one night and wrapped it around a telephone pole. I was ticked when I saw how bad off the car was.

I looked at the car with true admiration, unaware that someone was standing behind me till I turned around. Dallas gave me a sly grin before cuffing me lightly, motioning for me to follow him back outside.

"Hear you met Soda an' Steve," Dally commented as she walked side by side down the street. I assumed he left his car somewhere for whatever reason.

"Mhm, pretty okay guys," I shrugged. "What'd else you hear?"

"That you got into it with a couple Socs," he grinned, looking down at me. "You sure can carry your own, Joy," he chuckled. "Heard a few of 'em whinin' about you down near Buck's when I left. They ain't used to a chick standin' up for herself."

"Same shit, different city," I laughed.

We made small talk as Dally led the way down the street. We passed a few run down houses along the way. We stopped at the corner, only about ten minutes away from the DX. Dally grinned at me before hopping the stairs and slamming the front door open. Like a puppy, I followed behind him.

"Hey Dally," a younger kid around 13 or 14 said.

"Hey Ponyboy," Dally greeted. "Hey Johnny."

"Hey Dally, who's that?" the other kid, who looked about 16, with dark eyes and hair to match, asked as he stared at me with uncertain eyes.

"This here is Joy, my cousin from the city," Dally introduced me, laughing as he said it. "Watch out, she's a fiery little thing."

"Dallas," I scolded.

"Just speakin' the truth," he shrugged. "Joy, this here is Ponyboy, Soda and Darry's kid brother. And this here is Johnnycakes."

"Hey," I nodded at both of them. Pony grinned from ear to ear. I couldn't help but laugh at his expression.

We talked about nothing that really mattered until Soda, Steve and Darry came home. Another guy, Two-Bit, came in not too long after. It felt like home, even if I was miles away from my regular gang and my own home. This was exactly what I was used to. I'd always been the only chick amongst a group of guys, and I couldn't have felt more at ease.

Darry was a real big guy with troubled blue eyes. He looked like he could take anyone at any time. Soda was more gentle, you could see it in his eyes that he really cared about people. Ponyboy and Johnny were both real quiet, but I could tell that they were good at keeping quiet and good at keeping their heads. Steve was scary. He had that kind of temper that once he was set off, he went off without a care in the world. And Two-Bit, well Two-Bit didn't stop joking that whole night. It felt pretty good, being able to get to know this gang real fast like that. Dally had no problem going into detail as to why I was shipped to Tulsa, but no one seemed to really care too much. That was nice too.

As Dally had said earlier, I wound up crashing on their couch that night. For the first time in years, I actually felt safe enough to close my eyes and really sleep. I kept the blade under my arm as I curled up, letting my eyes shut slowly, silently grateful to have a cousin lookin' out for me when no one else would.

* * *

**_A/n - Thank you to those who have reviewed! I really appreciate it! Keep 'em coming! I love feedback, good and bad alike!_**

**_As for this chapter, I'm sorry that it's a little boring. I normally set my fics up where my OCs already know the story Characters, so this was a major change from the norm for me. :) I hope it wasn't too bad though!_**


	3. Chapter 2 - Remembering Tomorrow

"_This ain't a song for the broken-hearted  
No silent prayer for the faith-departed  
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd  
You're gonna hear my voice  
When I shout it out loud_

_It's my life,  
It's now or never  
I ain't gonna life forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
It's my life  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Frankie said  
I did it my way  
I just wanna live while I'm alive  
It's my life" – Bon Jovi "It's My Life"_

* * *

The next day I found myself sitting in a classroom, ready to rip out the eyes of everyone around me. Because I spent more time on the street than in school back home, I was placed in a sophomore class. At 17, I was sitting around with a bunch of ingrates who didn't give a hoot about anything other than who wore this or that or who drove the coolest car.

By the end of the second class, I was itching for some action. I ran into Two-Bit in the halls between classes. Literally. I smacked face first into his chest in my haste to find the nearest exit.

"Leaving so soon?" he chuckled as I pulled back.

"I need sky before I rip out someone's throat," I growled. I wasn't used to itching for a weed so bad in my life. Back home, I barely went to school and when I did, I was smoking out the windows in the back of the class room like no tomorrow. School made me nervous. Too many watchful eyes waiting to catch you in the middle of doing something wrong.

"Wait here," Two-Bit said quickly. He hurried down the hall and a minute later, he returned with Johnny and Ponyboy in tow.

"Darry'll kill 'im for skipping class," I pointed out, looking at Ponyboy, who just shrugged.

"It's studyhall. He won't give a rats ass if I skip it," Pony chuckled.

"Where're we going anyway, Two-Bit?" Johnny asked nervously.

"The roof. Joy here needs some sky," he said, grinning crazily as he led the way to a staircase that I assumed led to some sort of freedom. Sure enough, we were soon on the roof, shielded from those on the ground by a small room. I sat down on the concrete block that was near the wall, lit a Kool, then passed my pack around.

"Golly, you really did need sky, huh?" Two-Bit asked when he noticed my hands trembling.

"Not used to being caged in," I breathed, letting the burning nicotine flush through my veins. "Never had much to do with school back home."

"You plannin' to drop out?" Ponyboy asked. The harshness in his tone irritated me.

"Prolly. Better of earnin' a livin' somewhere," I said gently. "School ain't my thing. I'll wind up flunking out anyhow," I shrugged.

"No kiddin'," Two-Bit laughed, lightening the mood. "Where you plannin' on workin'?"

"Dally told me last night Buck's looking for a bar tender. I did a few months of that back home. Honest work for once," I laughed. "Better than the alternative."

"What'd you get arrested for anyway?" Ponyboy asked, his eyes dancing with curiosity.

"Which time?" I asked seriously.

"The last time," he clarified.

"After the fire incident, I was supposed to be on probation for a year. But since my sorry ass can't keep myself in check, I wound up locked up for drug possession with the intent to sell," I shrugged. "We needed the cash for my brother's medicine. It was that, or hookin', and since I ain't a slimy tramp, I went with plan A."

"What'd your brother need medicine for?" Two-Bit asked, all jokes aside.

I shrugged, not wanting to go into detail. Instead, I just said "Stuff."

The conversation lapsed after that. Eventually, Two-Bit said he had to get to English and Ponyboy had science, so it was just me and Johnny on the roof. Johnny said he wasn't feeling school that day, so he'd sit with me till I made up my mind.

I was watching a cloud float across the sky when I finally sighed and looked at Johnny.

"What's your story, kid?" I asked softly.

"Whatcha mean?" he asked, eyes widening.

"Everyone's got a story. I can tell by your eyes that yours ain't pretty," I shrugged. "So what's your story?"

"My ol' man tosses me around sometimes. It's no big deal," he shrugged quickly.

"No kiddin'," I sighed, leaning back against the wall. "Bare hands or the belt?" I asked gently. My own father had no problem pulling the belt on me. I still had the scar on my back from where he lashed me so hard, it broke the skin. Dally was pissed after that. Said he'd beat in his skull the next time he laid a hand on me. Then he left the city and my ol' man kept on beatin' me till he finally broke me. I wasn't always the rebellious, tuff kid I was now. I used to care about people. I used to try real hard to make something for myself. But my ol' man broke me. He broke the spirits of everyone he touched.

"Both," Johnny shrugged. I nodded, relating completely to his response. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, more for myself than for him.

"You know what, screw it," I spat. I sighed and let my eyes close, letting the cool autumn breeze ease the tension in my bones.

I must've drifted off, because before I knew it, Johnny was shaking me awake.

"If we don't hurry, Two-Bit's gonna leave without us," he said urgently. I groaned and pulled my bag over my shoulder, quickly making our way down the stairs.

"Glory, where have you two been all day?" Two-Bit snapped. Steve was standing beside him, his arms crossed.

"Lay off," I grumbled, climbing into the back seat. It was a crowded ride, but I didn't feel like trying to hunt down Dally just for a ride.

"Spend the whole day on the roof did ya?" Steve asked, throwing me a look.

"We got to talkin' and I dozed off, cut me some slack, wouldya?" I snapped.

"Dally told us to keep you outta trouble," Two-Bit explained, his tone far kinder than Steve's. "That's all."

"And just what kinda trouble do you expect me to get in with this kid?" I asked, cracking a smile as I nudged Johnny. "Besides, goin' to school ain't part of the agreement. And I went, I just didn't stay in class."

"She's got you there, Two-Bit," Ponyboy chuckled. He and Johnny exchanged a glance while I leaned against the window, watching the streets pass by.

I asked Two-Bit to drop me off at Dally's place so I could take a shower. Reluctantly, I knew Carl would be home by then. I pushed open the door, waiting for the outpour of insults that were bound to greet me.

Instead, I came face to face to Carl looking at me bitterly.

"You should have been here last night," he said, his tone harsh, but soft.

"I was with Dally," I said carefully.

"Your father called looking for you," he snapped.

"My father doesn't care about me. That's why he shipped me off, remember?" I retorted. Carl looked ready to smack me, but instead, he just growled and turned around, stomping off to do god knows what.

I hurriedly took a shower and changed into clean clothes before walking into the kitchen to use the phone. I dialed home and waited for someone to pick up.

"Winston-Smith household, Ryan speaking," the voice on the other end chimed. I smiled to myself as I thought back to teaching my younger brother how to answer the phone.

"Hey Ry-Ry, it's Joy, where's Daddy?" I asked gently. Ryan was only 9 and I could only imagine what kind of trouble he had gotten into since I left.

"Joy!" he squealed happily. "Daddy's out with that scary lady," he said, his voice sad.

"Martha or Diana?" I asked, trying to remember which tramp our father was sleeping with as of late.

"Diana," he said, his voice cracking. "Darren's here though. Wanna talk to him?"

"Sure," I said softly, trying not to let my own voice hitch in my throat.

"Hello?" Darren's voice rang over the phone.

"Dar, it's Joy, how's everything on the home front?" I asked quickly.

"Where the hell are you, Joy? We need you here!" he started screaming.

"Shh, Dar, calm down. Dad send me off to stay with Dally and Uncle Carl in Tulsa, remember?" I tried.

"Come home!" Darren's slurred tone cried.

"Dar, honey, calm down," I said gently, tears in my eyes. "I'll be home real soon, I promise. Now you listen close okay, baby, you listen real good."

"'Kay," he said, his tone tense.

"Remember to take your meds, okay? Don't skip days like Daddy tries to tell you too, okay?" I said quickly. "Remember that Ryan has to go to bed at 8, otherwise he won't get up for school on time. Tell Tommy and Henry to baby sit more often so you don't have to," I rattled on. "And Dar?"

"Yeah Joy?"

"Make sure you remember to feel Marley. Don't let Daddy toss poor Ryan around no more either. Ry's been through enough this past year. We all have. You be real good, kiddo, okay?" I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Joy! Come home!" Darren cried again.

"I'll be home real soon, ya dig? Real, real soon," I promised, even though I knew it was a lie.

"Promise?" he asked.

"Promise. I love you kiddo, go get your homework done, okay?" I said tenderly.

"I miss you real bad, Joy!" he cried. The line went dead before I could respond.

I hung up and took a shaking breath. My brothers needed me at home. Being so far away when Darren's mental stability was so fragile…being so far away knowing that Henry and Tommy were cruel and heartless towards my two younger brothers…it all broke my heart. Poor Ryan was so young…too young to have to go through what he does.

"Next time you call long distance, don't let my dad know about it," Dally said gently as he passed me in the kitchen. "He's gonna have a cow."

"Too bad," I sighed. "Besides, I called collect. It won't be on your dad's bill."

"Smart kid," he nodded, grabbing a beer from the ice box. "How's everything at home?"

"Darren doesn't understand why I'm gone and Ryan sounds scared. Didn't get to talk to the ol' man though. He's out screwing a tramp in an alley somewhere," I sighed. "It's hard, ya know? Being this far from home when that's where I'm needed."

"Brought it on yourself," Dally pointed out.

"Yeah, thanks for rubbin' it in," I muttered dryly.

"Sorry," he said sincerely. "You crashing at the Curtis' again tonight?"

"Prolly, your ol' man doesn't seem too thrilled to have me here," I sighed. "What about you?"

"Naw, Buck's got a room I like real fine," he laughed. "You need a ride over there?"

"That'd be nice," I nodded. "Jus' let me grab my bag."

"Hey, Joy?" he called before I could leave the room. I turned back towards him. "Don't let it get to ya. Tulsa ain't so bad and your brothers, well shoot the state's gonna take 'em either way, ya dig?"

"Yeah, Dally. That's what I'm hopin' for."

* * *

**A/n - Before I get crap about making Dally and Johnny a bit OOC, keep in mind, The Outsiders was only a really short amount of time. With that said, this also takes place right before Johnny is jumped by the Socs the first time. So he's not too jumpy yet. As for Dally, we never got to see another side of him, which is why he's a little kinder right now. **

**The whole Roof scene is important for the later chapters, especially as we continue into the events of the book. Johnny and Joy needed some common ground, otherwise, it wouldn't play out as I plan. :) **

**As always, any and all feedback is greatly appreciated! **


	4. Chapter 3 - Rumble Fever

Since me and school weren't meshing well, I spent more time at Buck's than most. I learned how to hustle a lot smoother than back in the city, and could bring home close to 20 bucks a day if I played my cards well. Dally loved it, 'cause I split it down the middle with him, just so he'd shut up about me doing less than legal things.

I'd taken some of my winnings to get me a nice, simple switchblade that never left my pocket. I felt calm and cool walking down the streets of Tulsa now. Not even Socs could shake my confidence.

It was about a month after I moved to Tulsa that shit started to hit the fan. I was walking home with Steve, Ponyboy and Soda from the DX one night, having stopped in to see about buying the old pickup that had been sitting in the shop since I moved there. We were nearing the big empty lot at the corner of their street when Steve noticed something lying on the ground. It was Johnny's jacket – the only jacket the kid had.

"Looks like Johnny forgot his jacket," Steve said as he flung it over his shoulder. My stomach dropped. Johnny wasn't irresponsible with his things. He never would have left his jacket out just anywhere.

"Steve, hang on," I said, something catching my eye. Soda and Ponyboy exchanged a look as I reached for the jacket with a shaking hand. Blood didn't normally shake me up, but this was different. "Look," I whispered, my voice hitching in my throat. Across the collar of the jacket was a rust-like stain. There were grass stains on the sleeves too.

We all looked across the field, a look of panic on our faces. Where Steve had found the jacket, there were more rust colored stains. We scanned the lot with more purpose now. Then we heard a low, pained moan. For me, the sound was all too familiar.

Soda reached him first, flinging himself down beside him. Johnny was lying face down. When Soda turned him over, my stomach turned to ice. I'd seen people get shot and killed back home, but this was far, far worse. His face was swollen, cut and bruised. He was drenched in his own blood. I took a deep breath to settle my stomach, before reaching for Ponyboy, who was shaking like a leaf.

The deep cut from Johnny's temple to his cheekbone was bleeding like crazy. That cut would leave a scar for the rest of his life.

That night I realized just how close and in sync the gang was. Everyone seemed to sense something was wrong. When Dally came running up, his face went pale when he saw Johnny. Two-Bit's eyes grew wide, any hint of happiness gone in the blink of an eye. Darry had spotted us from the porch, and as he skidded to a halt, his eyes darkened with anger.

"Hey, Johnnycakes," Soda said, shaking him gently. Johnny didn't open his eyes, but his face kinda twitched a little.

"Soda?" he asked, his voice broken and full of pain.

"Yeah, it's me," Soda said softly. "Don't talk, you're gonna be okay."

"There was a whole bunch of them," Johnny went on, ignoring Soda's command. "A blue Mustang full... I got so scared..."

Between sobs, Johnny finally managed to get out what happened. He had been looking for the football to practice a few kicks when a blue Mustang pulled up. There were four Socs in it and when they caught him, it was the one with a lot of rings that made his face look like it did. It wasn't even just that they had jumped him and beaten him half to death, it was that they scared him too. They threatened him with everything under the sun.

Anger bubbled in my chest. I walked over and knelt down next to Sodapop, brushing Johnny's hair out of his face.

"Don't you worry, Johnny, ain't no one gonna hurt you anymore," I said softly. I looked at Darry, who seemed to understand what I was silently asking. He carefully picked Johnny up, while I grabbed hold of Dally's arm before he could bolt.

"Dallas, don't," I said, my tone hushed. "He needs you right here. Don't you dare do nothing stupid."

"You don't get it, kid," he growled.

"I get it good and well. Now, walk," I pushed him forward. Steve instinctively stepped beside Dally so he could restrain him if he needed to. I scanned the lot one more time before following the gang to the Curtis house.

Dally was pacing back and forth while Darry and I tended to Johnny's face. I glanced up at my cousin, a bit concerned that he would explode at any minute.

"You got this?" I asked Darry as I placed a bandage over yet another of the small cuts. It was harder to stop the bleeding than we'd hoped.

"Yeah," he nodded. I stood up and grabbed Dally's arm.

"Stop pacing, you're driving me insane," I said gently. "C'mon," I pulled him out the front door. Steve followed, probably just for an excuse to get out of the house.

"I'll kill 'em," Dally growled as soon as we were clear of the house. "I'll kill every last one of 'em!"

"Cool it, Dal, you go 'round making threats like that and it's gonna be you we're draggin' home," I warned as lightly as I could. I was angry. Shoot, we all were, but I was used to this kind of shit.

"It calls for a rumble," Steve said with a shake of his head.

"It sure as fuck does!" Dally agreed. His eyes were on fire. He was in a very dangerous mood.

I said nothing, just walked beside them while they rattled on about the upcoming rumble. When Dally said he was going to Buck's to blow off some steam, Steve agreed to go with him. I took it as an opportunity to return to the house. Steve could keep Dally out of trouble better than I could.

As I walked towards the house, something caught my eye in the lot. I walked over towards the bushes and located the football Johnny must have been looking for. I shook my head and picked it up, making a mental note to leave it on the porch so next time, no one was looking for it.

Back at the house, the mood was glum. Soda was sitting by the TV, flipping through channels, not really taking anything in. Ponyboy was sitting by the coffee table, his homework sprawled out in front of him. Johnny was sleeping on the couch, while Darry was in the kitchen making dinner. Two-Bit was nowhere in sight. I decided to see if Darry needed any help.

"It pisses me off, you know?" Darry said as soon as I entered the room. "Johnny's a good kid. He didn't deserve shit like that today."

"No one deserves to be jumped on their own turf," I said carefully. "But it happens. It doesn't matter where you are, it happens. The only thing to do now is make those Socs pay for what they did," I said, my anger getting the best of me. "And if I know Dally, that is exactly what he's going to do."

* * *

A week later, on a cool, Friday afternoon, we were all gathered in the Curtis's living room, trying to get ready for the night's Rumble. Ponyboy was sitting it out with Johnny, so that the two could be out of harm's way.

"I really ain't too keen of you fightin'," Dally said as I was tying my long hair back in a tight bun. "You're a girl an' all."

"Dallas, I've been a girl my entire life," I said lightly. "And I fight just as well as anyone."

"You could get hurt," he said.

"So could you. So could Darry. So could Soda or Steve or Two-Bit. That never stopped no one before. 'Sides, we're down numbers. I'm fighting, end of story," I said darkly. "Plus, I'm a girl. No one's gonna expect me to be able to carry my own, but you and I both know I can."

"If you get tangled up, you holler, ya hear?" he finally said.

"Dally, I'm not a child," I scolded as I pulled on the tank top I borrowed from Ponyboy. The scar on my shoulder was painfully visible.

"When'd that happen?" Dally asked, running his finger down it. I flinched away.

"Dad was drunk, a bottle shattered, it was me or the boys, I took the first blow," I summed it up as quickly as possible. "It was years ago, its fine."

"State finally take the boys away?" he asked. I hadn't updated him since everything happened.

"Darren and Ryan are at the Boy's home right now. Tommy and Henry took off before State could grab 'em," I sighed.

"And we all know State doesn't bother lookin' very hard for the likes of us," Dally nodded. "You get to talk to them at all?"

"They let me talk to Ryan. He's terrified, of course, but he's a tough kid. He's taking it like a man. Darren's a different story. From what the social worker told me, his mental stability is at an all-time low, and they aren't sure if they'll be able to safely place him anywhere," I said with a shake of my head. "But it's better they're away from dad than anything else, ya know?"

"Mhm," Dally agreed. "You ain't gonna be distracted tonight, are ya?"

"No. Tonight's for Johnny," I said brightly. I cracked my back and took one last look in the mirror before darting down the hall, tripping Steve in the process. He laughed as he tried to tackle me, but I was a lot swifter than he was.

"She's fast," Steve laughed as he gave up.

"She's got a few tricks up her sleeve for tonight, don't ya?" Two-Bit grinned. A few days earlier I had shown Two-Bit a few of my secrets to staying upright at a rumble. Being only 5 feet, I needed to learn how to maneuver without getting pinned or cornered. I'd had plenty of time to master the art back home, and I was actually excited to be able to show off some of my tricks at the night's rumble.

"Show 'em how you do that little back flip thing without really tryin'!" Two-Bit egged on. I chuckled and threw a look at Darry. It was his house after all.

"Don't break anything," he said, giving me a knowing look. Two-Bit and Steve moved the coffee table out of the way, while I picked the perfect starting position.

"Dally, you remember this one, right?" I asked, giving him a huge grin. He was the one who used to help me practice, especially when we had nothing better to do.

"Yeah, the one where you spin and such?" he said.

"That's the one," I nodded. It involved someone else trying to grab me. Dally remembered this and positioned himself where when I landed, I'd be able to land painlessly on the sofa.

I let him take a few practice punches, light ones that barely touched my skin, before spinning aside while his hands came up to grab me. I took a deep breath, letting my body relax as I threw my arms back, my legs pointing perfectly straight. The idea was to kick my attacker in the process, but Dally simply backed up to avoid my bare feet. I pushed up, letting my body flip through the air before landing on the sofa. I landed perfectly, my weight falling back on the balls of my feet.

"I didn't know you knew acrobatics," Darry applauded.

"If that's what you wanna call it," I laughed. I beamed brightly as I jumped off the sofa. "I call it survival 101."

"You use tricks like that a lot?" Ponyboy asked. He was smiling widely. I could tell he was surprised.

"Uh-huh. When you're my height, you gotta have something on your side," I laughed. "Besides, it's always fun to watch a Soc freak because he got out smarted by a chick!"

"You're just full of surprises, huh?" Soda teased. I pushed him playfully before looking at the clock.

"Ready boys?" I asked, grinning from ear to ear. Even though we were doing this for Johnny, all of us really needed to blow off steam. Everyone was full of life and laughter as we made for the door. Ponyboy and Johnny too. They'd be watching from the back porch the entire time.

* * *

_**A/n - ****I actually liked writing this chapter, because we never got to see how the gang reacted after Johnny got jumped. I decided to lighten the mood a little for right before the rumble, because if it was too dark, it'd go all wrong. The rumble itself on the other hand...Haha!**_

_**Anyway, here's the disclaimer - I only own Joy and her brother's/father. All the other characters, as well as the original plot, belong to S.E. Hinton. **_


	5. Chapter 4 - Girls Shouldn't Fight

"_Turn the channel on the TV  
Another boy shot tonight  
I can't believe what I am seeing  
A body bag, a mother cries_

_It seems like this is never ending  
I've had enough, so I decide  
The time has come for me to face it  
I can't refuse the war inside_

'_Cause we have had enough  
All the violence has touched  
Every part of our lives  
Our innocence is gone tonight…" – Papa Roach "Had Enough"_

* * *

Dally fell silent the second we hit the lot. I saw his eyes cloud with unmistakable hatred. I stood beside him, my eyes scanning the small clusters of people. As Steve had predicted, greasers from as far out as the Brumly boys to Tim Shepard's gang, plus ours. We were still outnumbered though. Four cars full of Socs arrived five after seven, a total of 24 guys. There were about 20 of us, but I wouldn't put money on those odds. I can't count too great no how.

Dally tensed up enough to make me worry. If Dally was worried, this definitely wasn't looking too great.

"Let Darry start it," I hissed when Dally took a step forward. "Remember, if the fuzz show, him and Soda gotta get the hell outta here."

Dally didn't respond, so I took a step in front of him. He'd have to physically move me in order to pass. He didn't.

After five minutes of taunting, the rumble finally began. I went after the smallest of the Socs, not stupid enough to dive right in the middle of the action. I would have been easily pinned if I wasn't so fast on my feet. I took advantage of that, carefully avoiding getting tripped up, while loosely circling the guys.

"Bringin' tramps to fight your battles now Curtis?" one shouted at Soda. I skidded to a stop, throwing my target off guard. I turned on my toes and threw punches as fast as I possibly could. He tried to block, but couldn't. He tried to duck, but I was faster. I wasn't taking lightly to being called a tramp. I managed to corner him before throwing him to the ground, my knees digging into his chest.

I let my claws speak for me as I raked them across his face, from eyebrow to chin.

Then I stood, without turning my back, I managed to weave my way to Soda who was struggling with two bigger guys.

"Get the tramp," the bigger of the two shouted. I grinned from ear to ear as I took it as an opportunity to really throw them off guard. I turned real fast and started to run, leading the smaller of the pair away from Soda, only to duck real fast, causing my attacker to trip himself. He cursed and jumped up, wrapping an arm around my waist, slamming me to the pavement. I bit back a scream of rage before kicking him square in the head, my own spinning from the amount of force and the fact that the wind was knocked outta me when I hit the pavement. I rolled over the moment he released his grip and while still on the pavement, I wrapped my hand in his hair and slammed his face into the gravel.

"That's for Johnny," I hissed as I stood, whipping blood from my face.

"And this is for Joe," a male's voice rang. I spun around, coming face to face with a fist. I saw stars as I stumbled backwards, tripping over the guy I had just knocked out. I landed hard, blinded for a moment by the blood running down my face.

I tried to scratch at my attacker, but my head was spinning too bad to really focus. Instead, I did the only thing I could think to do. I kicked out as hard as I could, kicking him in the jewels. He went down, cursing loudly. A second later, I was being pulled to my feet by Darry, who was grinning hugely.

"Nice shot," he laughed as he pushed me in front of him, away from the worst of the action. "You good?" he asked the second he thought we were a safe distance away.

"Uh-huh," I nodded before darting after the first kid I had knocked flat. Guess he had more fight to him than I thought. I jumped over a few fallen guys before landing gracefully on the kids back, causing him to land right on his chest. He yelped as his arm snapped from the weight.

"Next time, don't be stupid," I hissed in his ear as I raked my now broken and bloody nails across his face. It was an old habit. It was dirty, it wasn't fair, but it was how I fought.

I managed to avoid any more action. I dunno if it was because my natural instinct to stay low kicked in, or because more Socs had fallen than our own. Darry was tangled up with a smaller guy, but he had the upper hand. Steve and Soda were tag teaming another guy, while Dally was beating another half to death. Two-Bit was standing back some, observing now that his guy was down at his feet, squirming to get up, but Two-Bit's foot was well placed.

I was growing overly aware to the pounding of my head. Every sound, every movement caused stars to flash in front of my eyes. I made a mental note to say something about that later. I saw Soda crumble, a look of pain on his face, but Steve made quick work of the Soc who landed him. I smiled inwardly at the way those two worked together. They were the perfect tag team.

As the last of the standing Socs began to regroup, it was clear that the rumble was over. A lot of blood was shed, but no real injuries were inflicted as far as I could tell. It was almost comical watching to Socs gather their guys. Several of them were still half unconscious as they began to pile into their cars.

"They're runnin'!" Two-Bit's voice echoed across the lot. "They're runnin'!" I stumbled over to a dark corner of the lot, my head throbbing something fierce. I was grinning from ear to ear as I watched the Socs pile into their cars, a broken, bloody mess. I saw Steve helping Soda to his feet not too far off, while Dally was nursing what looked like a dislocated shoulder, but by the look on his face, I knew he was proud. He had fought real hard for Johnny. We all had. Two-Bit had blood streaming down his face, but that wild, crazy grin was still there. Darry looked a little bruised but otherwise okay. I smiled to myself as I sat down, taking a minute to catch my breath. Aside from my head, nothing else hurt too badly. I was awful tired though. I leaned against the chain link fence, my vision blurry as I watched our guys regroup. I was well hidden between a couple of garbage cans. It wasn't exactly my plan, but I was too exhausted to move.

"Joy-Anna," Dally called. He couldn't see me from where I sat. "Where the fuck did she go?"

"She was here a minute ago," Darry said, a troubled look crossing his face. I flicked my lighter, casting a slight shimmer of light from my spot.

"Over here," I called as loudly as I dared. While my lighter was lit, I decided to light up. I was shaking slightly from the adrenaline that was pumping through my veins. As soon as the choking, burning smoke filled my lungs, I felt my muscles relax. As they did, exhaustion set in completely. I felt like I hadn't slept for a week.

"You good kid?" Dally asked as he stumbled over to me.

"Uh-huh," I nodded, taking a deep drag. "You?"

"Yeah," he said, motioning for me to hand him a weed. I did so without question. "Let's get goin'," he said.

"I wanna stay right here for a few minutes," I said, closing my eyes against the glare from light as he lit his cigarette.

"Why?" he asked, kneeling next to me. I felt him take my face in his hand. "Nice cut," he sighed, before putting his hand on my shoulder. "You sure you're good?"

"Yes, Dallas, stop mothering me, wouldya?" I complained. "Seen far worse in the comfort of my own home."

"C'mon, we can have Darry take care of that cut," he said, pulling me to my feet. I groaned, feeling a lot more tired than I imagined. I leaned against him as we slowly made our way to the house.

As soon as the door closed behind us, I slumped to the floor, wincing against the bright lights.

"This is why girls shouldn't fight," he grumbled as he pulled me to my feet again.

"Ain't nothing to do with being a girl," I snarled as I pulled away. Wrong move. I wound up on my ass. "'Sides, your shoulder's fucked up."

"At least my face isn't!" he practically shouted. I slapped his hand away when he offered it.

"Stop shoutin', would ya?" I moaned.

"Dally, lay off," Darry's stern voice ordered. I looked up to see Darry hovering nearby. "You mind?" he motioned to my face.

I shook my head once, leaning against the side of the couch, too wore out to move any more than that. Darry knelt beside me, gently wiping the blood from my face.

"How hard did you hit your head?" he asked softly, concern written across his face.

"Not as hard as the other guy," I said truthfully.

"Uh-huh, how hard?" he asked again.

"Darry, I don't know," I grumbled, tired of the questions. I was way too tired. I never felt like this after a rumble back home. Then again, back home, I had the alleys to work with. Walls to push off of, walls to climb off of. Open lots were new to me. I was used to being able to twist and turn and avoid hitting the pavement all together.

"Joy," Darry shook my shoulder roughly.

"Stop," I moaned, the movement making my head spin even worse.

"Darry," I heard Ponyboy's voice call. "Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine Pony. I think she's just got a concussion," he said, tilting my head so I was looking at him instead of the floor. He waved his finger back and forth, causing my vision to blur. I groaned and closed my eyes, letting my head fall to the side.

"Joy, you gotta stay awake," Darry coaxed softly. I felt a different hand rest of my shoulder. I forced my eyes open to see Soda's face peering into mine. He must've laid down on the couch.

"Tell us about New York," he urged. "What's it like when it's all lit up?"

"Soda, I'm too tired to tell you about New York," I moaned.

"Joy, talk about Ry-Ry," Dally tried. I wasn't even aware that he was still there. I looked up and saw him standing by the recliner that Steve was sitting in.

"Ryan's a good kid," I said tiredly. I closed my eyes as I thought of home. "He's tough though. Kinda like Ponyboy. Real smart for a kid his age. Does real…" my voice trailed off as exhaustion took hold.

"Joy!" Darry was shaking me again. I slapped at his hand, the dizziness driving me insane.

"Darrell Curtis, shake me one more time and I swear to God my foot is going up your ass!" I snarled.

"Darry, let'er sleep a little," Soda tried. "I'll wake 'er up in an hour."

"No you won't," I said harshly. "I've had concussions before, I ain't gonna die or nothin' from a little bump on my head."

"I saw you fall, Joy, it wasn't no little bump," Soda said gently. "C'mon, get a little sleep." He tossed a blanket around me and before I even had a chance to argue, I was out like a light.

* * *

_**A/n - This chapter was a little difficult to write, since I have never actually thought about writing a rumble scene from a female's perspective before. With that said, I did the best I could on lack of sleep, haha. I wanted to make sure Joy didn't seem "too" good at fighting, hence the minor injury. **_

_**Hopefully this chapter turned out as well as I hoped. Let me know what you think! **_


	6. Chapter 5 - Confrontation

"_For everything you do, I'd like to swallow you  
And everyday I'm gonna blame you  
Even if you justify every fucking bullshit lie  
It only makes me want to break you_

_You pull me down and you crucify my name  
You make me insane  
It's broken now don't ever look my way  
Don't even think I'm playin'" – Godsmack "I Fucking Hate You"_

* * *

"Stop shaking me," I muttered for what felt like the millionth time that night. Darry was shaking me awake instead of Soda. I could tell just by the force of the shaking. This time, Darry's shaking did just wonders for my already uneasy stomach. I groaned and forced myself to my feet, weaving over the outstretched legs and tossed around pillows that cluttered the floor, barely making it to the bathroom in time. I emptied what little was in my stomach, before dry heaving several times. I leaned against the bath tub after that, panting, my throat hoarse.

Darry came in a moment later carrying a glass of water, which I sipped slowly. He pressed a wet rag to my forehead, sitting down beside me. Normally, the whole nurse treatment thing would drive me insane, but right then, I welcomed it. I leaned against Darry's arm, my eyes fluttering shut before I could even attempt to stop them.

"Stay awake some," Darry urged.

"I'm real tired," I muttered.

"Yeah well, I'm startin' to get real worried," he said. I felt him tilt my head slightly. "You're awful pale."

"It's nothin' Dar," I said tiredly. "Just a concussion."

"Yeah, but concussions can turn into something a lot worse," he said gently. Darry had played football in high school and knew a thing or two about first aid, especially in regards to head injuries.

"Darry, please. Just let me sleep," I tried one last time. My head was foggy as it was, so I wasn't even sure if the words came out clearly or not. I leaned against his arm, sleep taking over completely.

* * *

I woke later to Dally pulling me roughly to my feet. My head didn't hurt as bad, but it still ached.

"What the hell!" I snapped, yanking my arm away from him once I was upright. The sudden movement caused my head to spin.

"Your fucking brother's here!" he hissed. He kicked the door to the bathroom shut and gave me a funny look.

"Which one?" I was confused.

"Tommy," Dally said. Dally wasn't intimidated by many people, but Tommy was pretty big and he fought dirty.

"Why the fuck is he here?" I asked. Tommy was 24, but acted like he was still 13. He wasn't bright enough to really plan anything out.

"Guess something went down at home," Dally shrugged. "Straighten yourself up then go get it over with. Darry's sorta not too thrilled that he barged in here like he owned the place."

"That's Tommy for ya," I grumbled. "Go grab my jacket off the couch. I'll be done in a minute."

Dally quickly left me alone in the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face was bruised and the cut looked pretty gruesome, but I decided a little powder would dull it. Sure enough, after painting the shit on my face, I looked a little less beaten. I let my greasy hair fall down my back, too tired to put it up properly. I pulled my jacket on the second Dally brought it to me, and after testing my balance, I headed into the kitchen, where Tommy was glaring at Darry with disgust.

"C'mon Joy-Anna, you're going home," he growled the second he saw me.

"Says who?" I asked. I felt like a little kid again.

"Says me. Dad's sick, and you're gonna come play nurse like a good girl," Tommy's cruel tone barked.

"Like hell I am!" I snapped. "Besides, remember who sent me here in the first place!"

"Yeah well, that was before State came and took the boys away. How'd that happen anyway? You runnin' your trap to the fuzz again?" Tommy moved towards me. I recoiled, stepping back slightly.

"You and I both know you're grabbing at straws now," I sighed. "Tommy, why are you here?"

"Dad's sick," he repeated himself. "And the State took the boys away, and someone's gotta fight for them."

"I'm only 17," I sighed. "And even if I was old enough, I can't support both of them on my own. Tommy, for God's sake, you're almost 25. You're more than old enough to fight for them. Henry'll be 19 in a few months. Shoot, he's old enough too."

"But you're the one they want," Tommy said bitterly.

"Can you blame them? You and Henry beat them as bad as Dad does," I shook my head. "Go home Tommy, back to New York."

"Dad's gonna die. Then what?" Tommy argued.

"Why should I care, Tommy? Dad's done nothing but hurt this family since before mom died," I growled.

"He's gonna die, Joy-Anna, don't you care at all?" Tommy grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards him. He looked me dead in the eye. "Don't you care? You sure cared when mom died."

"Mom was the rock of the family. She worked her ass off to keep us together," I spat. "Dad, he's just a drunk, angry man. If I want to deal with that, I'll go down to Buck's and shoot pool with men who at least don't slam me into the wall for speaking the truth."

"He only beats you 'cause you don't know how to shut up and listen. You're so goddamn stubborn sometimes!" Tommy pushed me away. If I hadn't been feeling so lousy, I probably wouldn't have been knocked off balance. But as it was, I ended up only staying upright because Darry caught me before I could fall.

"That's enough, Thomas," Dally said, anger flashing in his eyes. "Get outta here 'fore I throw you out."

"That so, little man?" Tommy straightened his back, all six feet six inches of him towering over Dally. "I'd like to see you try."

"He doesn't have to," Darry hollered. He was angry now too. Darry was almost Tommy's height, but Tommy didn't back down.

"This is between me and my kid sister. Back off man," Tommy said angrily. "Joy-Anna, get your bag, you're leaving."

"Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do? Tom, you've done nothing but bully your way to the top since we were kids!" I growled.

"Better than what you do. You sleep around like a little tramp, you go off and get boozed up to the point you can't talk straight. You look for fights around every corner. You're goin' nowhere Joy, you're better off rotting away at home playing nurse than slummin' it on other people's couches. At least at home you know you've got a bed and a penny or two to your name," he shouted at me. He reached around Darry and grabbed me by my hair, yanking hard. I howled in pain as I pulled away. This got Tommy even madder. He swung at me, his fist connecting to the side of my face. I yelped and clung to the table for support, stars blinding me.

Behind me, I heard a loud crash and when I turned, I saw Dally punching Tommy over and over, his eyes full of fire. Darry let him go at it a few minutes, before pulling him off. Tommy stood up, blood streaming from his nose.

"You'll be back in New York before you know it, little miss scumbag," Tommy shouted as he stormed out the back door, slamming it with so much force, the whole kitchen shook.

I sank to the floor, panting, my vision completely clouded.

"Joy?" a different voice called. I looked up and made out Sodapop's features. "Glory, we gotta get her to the hospital," he said, his tone urgent. I felt a hand on my head, but I was too out of it to react. My eyes fluttered shut and before long, everything went silent.

* * *

A week later, I was back to being reckless as ever. Dally was being a little more protective and wouldn't let me walk nowhere alone, but I wasn't too upset about that. Sticking with the gang made life easier.

I was sitting on the front porch of Darry's house, smoking a cigarette with Ponyboy when Johnny came up the front walk. He grinned at Ponyboy and the two took off to throw the football around. I smiled as I watched them, feeling perfectly at home here in Tulsa now. It wasn't long before the whole gang, minus Darry who was working later than usual, were out in the lot tossing the football back and forth. Dally came over to me some time later, snatching my pack of Kools off my lap.

"You smoke too much," he noted.

"You fight too much," I chided. He smiled at that, before turning back towards the gang.

"Tulsa ain't so bad after all, huh?" he asked.

"Not at all," I chuckled. I felt perfectly content. Right at home. It was a different experience for me. I still got into minor fights with some of the neighborhood boys, I still lifted everything I owned and hustled my way into some reason money, but I wasn't getting into half as much trouble as I did in New York. It was refreshing to be able to walk around without the Fuzz tracking my every step.

But that was all about to change real soon.

* * *

_**A/n - Yay for filler chapters! Haha, I needed this one, just to kill a little time. :) Next, we're onto the first parts of the book. I promise, I'm going to do my best to keep them as real as humanly possible, while changing the events just a little bit. Any feedback is greatly appreciated at this point! **_


	7. Chapter 6 - Where The Story Begins

"_We are the in between, cast down as sons of war,  
Struck to the earth like lightning, on this world we're torn  
We won't cause the pain, of living out their law,  
Take joy in who you are, we know our wings are flawed."_

– _Black Veil Brides "Fallen Angel"_

* * *

I was walking home from the DX with Steve and Soda on afternoon about a month after the rumble, with Johnny not too far behind when Soda stopped suddenly. I nearly ran right into him.

"What's up?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Something's off…" Soda said slowly, looking around. I felt a chill run down my spine as we turned the corner. A red Corvair was parked a few blocks away. I listened hard and before I could even say anything, Soda and Steve took off running. Johnny and I picked up our pace. Two-Bit and Darry came out of nowhere, both seeming to have sensed the danger as well.

I spotted Dally come running around another corner. I didn't know he was out of the cooler yet. He'd been locked up a few weeks earlier for some stupid crime or another.

Five Socs were surrounding Ponyboy.

Steve and Soda reached them first, driving them off with sticks and rocks. They made a mad dash for their car. Darry skidded to a stop next to Ponyboy, pulled him up by his armpits and shook him something fierce.

"Are you alright Ponyboy?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Quit shaking me, Darry. I'm okay," he said groggily. I smiled at the sight. Darry was too rough with that poor kid. Reminded me of how Dally used to be when he would let Darren tag along with us when we were kids, before the accident and all.

Darry stopped, an apologetic look crossing his face. "Sorry," he said quickly.

When Ponyboy sat down again, I took a second to look at his face. He looked awful pale and it was clear that his cheek took the blunt of the blows. He was rubbing it slowly, a frightened look on his face.

"You good, Pone?" I asked, kneeling beside him.

He nodded his head quickly, looking embarrassed.

He was shaking something fierce. I sat next to him, wrapping my arm around him slightly as I worked a cigarette out of my pack.

"They didn't hurt you too bad, did they?" Darry asked.

"No," Ponyboy said softly. I knew that look. He wanted to say yeah, he was sore, but he couldn't. Guys didn't admit things like that. Shoot, I never did either.

"They ain't gonna hurt you no more," I said gently as Soda came running back, sitting down on Pony's other side.

"You got cut up a little, huh, Ponyboy?" Soda said.

"I did?" Ponyboy looked confused.

"You're bleeding like a stuck pig," he said as he pulled out a handkerchief and wet the end of it with his tongue. He brought it to the side of Pony's head.

"I am?" he asked. Soda showed him the rag and Pony's face went a little paler.

"Did they pull a blade on you?" I asked gently.

"Yeah," he said softly after a few moments of thinking.

Ponyboy starting bawling after that. I moved so Soda could wrap his arms around him. I stood up and stared in the distance, waiting for the rest of the gang to regroup. I was furious. Nothing made me angrier than a much of low life Socs pickin' on kids Pony's age.

Our gang had chased the Socs to their car and heaved rocks at them. They came running toward us now. Steve stood awkwardly near Soda, who was still comforting Ponyboy a little bit. Dally shoved his hands in his pockets, searching for a weed. Johnny sat down beside Ponyboy, his dark eyes clouded with his own fears. Two-Bit came back grinning widely as he always was.

"Didya catch 'em?" Ponyboy asked.

"Nup. They got away this time, the dirty..." Two-Bit went on cheerfully, calling the Socs every name he could think of or make up.

"The kid's okay?"

"I'm okay." Ponyboy said. "I didn't know you were out of the cooler yet, Dally."

"Good behavior. Got off early." Dallas lit a cigarette and handed it to Johnny. Everyone sat down to have a smoke and relax. A smoke always lessens the tension.

Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow. "Nice-lookin' bruise you got there, kid," He stated.

"Really?" Pony asked, rubbing his cheek.

"Uh-huh, nice cut too," I grinned. "Makes you look tough."

Steve, naturally, had to bring up what we had been trying to avoid. He flicked his ashes at Ponyboy and asked "What were you doin', walkin' by your lonesome?"

"I was comin' home from the movies. I didn't think…" he said softly.

"You don't ever think," Darry broke in, "not at home or anywhere when it counts. You must think at school, with all those good grades you bring home, and you've always got your nose in a book, but do you ever use your head for common sense? No sirree, bub. And if you did have to go by yourself, you should have carried a blade."

I saw Soda tense up at how Darry went off on Ponyboy.

"Leave my kid brother alone, you hear? It ain't his fault he likes to go to the movies, and it ain't his fault the Socs like to jump us, and if he had been carrying a blade it would have been a good excuse to cut him to ribbons," he said bitterly, glaring at Darry the entire time.

"When I want my kid brother to tell me what to do with my other kid brother, I'll ask you- kid brother," Darry said impatiently. He laid off though. He normally did when Soda took up for Ponyboy.

"Next time you wanna go to the movies, ask one of us," I said before anyone else could say anything. "If you don't wanna bring along Trouble or Mischief," I glanced at Dally and Two-Bit "Me or Johnny will come with you," I said with a reassuring smile.

"You like movies?" Ponyboy asked skeptically.

"Not really. But I like popcorn," I said quickly, grinning at him.

He shook his head, smiling. "You're crazy."

"I'm a Winston, what do you expect?" I laughed.

"Speakin' of movies," Dally yawned, "I'm walkin' over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?"

"Me and Soda are pickin' up Evie and Sandy for the game," Steve said with a shake of his head.

"I'm working tomorrow night," Darry sighed. I felt bad for him. He never seemed to have time to do anything he enjoyed.

Dally looked at the rest of us. "How about y'all? Two-Bit? Johnnycake, you and Pony wanta come? Joy?"

"Me and Johnny'll come," Ponyboy said quickly. "Okay, Darry?"

"Yeah, since it ain't a school night." Darry nodded.

"I'll prolly come, unless I find something more entertaining to do," I agreed.

"I was plannin' on getting boozed up tomorrow night," Two-Bit started "If I don't, I'll walk over and find y'all."

Steve was looking at Dally's hand. The ring he always wore, which he had rolled a drunk senior to get, was back on his finger. "You break up with Sylvia again?" he asked.

"Yeah, and this time it's for good. That little broad was two-timin' me again while I was in jail," he said sourly.

"Good. That lil' tramp was no good for you anyhow," I chirped. I didn't like Sylvia one bit.

Dally shot me a dirty look, but he didn't say anything about it. He knew how I felt about some of the girls he went after. Dally and I were pretty close, not like brother and sister, but close enough that he sometimes actually listened to what I had to say.

"Let's go home, I'll cook," I offered a while later. We had all broke off into separate conversations by then, so my offer made everyone look up.

"You cook?" Soda asked suspiciously.

"Uh-huh. And my food comes out lookin' normal," I teased. Since meeting Soda, I learned that he liked to add food coloring to just about anything. Just that week, we'd had blue potatoes, green eggs and purple bread.

"I didn't know you liked to cook," Two-Bit grinned.

"I don't _like_ to cook, but I _can_ cook," I clarified. "Someone had to back home, and it sure wasn't gonna be my ol' man."

"Speaking of back home, you talk to your brothers at all?" Dally asked, giving me a funny look.

"No, why?"

"Dad said there's a letter for you at the house," he shrugged. "Prolly just your dad saying something or other about you being worthless."

"That sounds like him," I sighed. "If you stop by the house tonight, grab the letter. I have no desire of spending another night in that house."

I'd spent only one night at Dally's house since coming to Tulsa. And it was one hellish night to say the least. His ol' man did nothing but lecture me about the hospital bills from after Tommy came and knocked a few bolts loose in my head. He was angry that my father couldn't get a hold of me, because I was never there, and he was pissed that I wasn't going to school like I apparently agreed to. I didn't care one bit – I wasn't about to start listening to him, when I never listened to my own folks.

"You listenin'?" Dally asked.

"Huh?"

"I said, I'll get the letter, but it's gonna cost ya," he repeated.

"Fine, name your price," I grinned. Normally, Dally would make me make some kind of bet.

"You plannin' on swingin' by Buck's tonight?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Not if I'm cookin'," I laughed. "Why?"

"Think you can score a few bucks by tomorrow?"

"Sure, sure. I'll see what I can do," I nodded. We were following the rest of the gang back to Darry's house.

That night, I cooked a dish my mother used to make all the time, especially when she was feeding more than just her own family. It was a simple casserole, but it was filling and easy to make out of just about anything. Seeing how I hadn't made it in a while, even I had to admit it turned out pretty good.


	8. Chapter 7 - Carry on my Wayward Son

"_Masquerading as a man with a reason  
My charade is the event of the season  
And if I claim to be a wise man,  
Well, it surely means that I don't know._

_On a stormy sea of moving emotion  
Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean  
I set a course of winds of fortune,  
But I heard the voices say_

_Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more no!_

_Carry on.  
You will always remember  
Carry on  
Nothing equals the splendor  
Now your life's no longer empty  
Surely heaven waits for you" – Kansas "Carry on my Wayward Son"_

* * *

I decided not to go to the drive-in with Dally. Not because I didn't feel like spending the whole night listening to him trying to pick up girls, but because I actually found something more appealing to spend my night doing. I was finishing up my rounds at Buck's, having won a number of bets and hustling a few drunks out of their pool money when a familiar face walked through the doors. I almost died of fright when I looked at the woman. She could have been a carbon copy of my mother in her younger days. She walked over to me, her leather boots thumping lightly on the floor, her bleach blonde hair slicked back, a perm causing the curls to ripple down her back.

"Joy-Anna Winston, I'll be damned, you've grown into one fine lookin' lady," she hooted, putting her arm around me.

"'Riah, it's good to see you, girl!" I said brightly. Mariah Jane Winston-O'Malley was my mother, and Dally's father's, baby sister. She was ten years younger than my mother, 15 years younger than Dally's father. The real baby of the family. She was now almost 30, but looked not a day over 25.

"How's my favorite niece doing?" she asked brightly, her baby blue eyes dancing with joy.

"Been better to say the least," I said honestly. "How's my ol' man doing? You talk to him any?"

"Talked to that old coot long enough to know he shipped your pretty ass down here in hopes of you finding God or some shit," she snorted. "What the hell did you do to piss him off so much? Steal the booze? Crash the car? Run off with Dallas and get yourself into some sort of New York Times worthy trouble?" she laughed.

"None of the above," I chuckled. "A lot of wrong place, wrong time sorta stuff. Dally's putting me up. Well, actually, a friend of Dally is. 'Specially since Ronny's got Carl all worked up."

"Oh, look at you, callin' your daddy by his first name. I bet the first time you did that, Ronny damn near keeled over, am I right?" she laughed.

"More like backhanded me across the mouth," I said grimly. "Have you seen Ronny lately?"

"No, why?" she asked as she led the way over to the bar. I waved Buck over and ordered two beers. Buck let me slide, since I was only a few months shy of being 18, the legal drinking age for women.

"The State came in and took the two younger boys," I said, my voice catching in my throat. "You remember when he beat Darren real bad in the car a few years back? Right after my mom died?"

"Yeah?" It was one of our darkest family secrets. We never let it get out that Darren's mental disabilities were brought on by his own father. Mariah hadn't agreed with us keeping the information to ourselves, but Carl, who had always taken kindly to my father, and knew how much his sister adored him, convinced her otherwise.

"Well Darren ended up getting worse about a year ago. The doctors ain't even sure if he's gonna live a full life or not. Anyway, Ronny…he got a lot worse after the 'accident' and took a lot of it out on me and the kids. Darren got real quiet and poor Ryan…that little boy ain't gonna ever trust no one again. Not even me," I go on. "Anyway, someone tipped the state off, and now the boys are off in foster care or some shit."

"I'm sure Tommy and Henry aren't takin' too kindly to that," she sighed. "I told Carl time and time again to lay off and let you kids be kids…Why didn't you call me? I coulda came down and took the boys to live with me…"

"And give up the life of terror, drugs and chaos? You know you wouldn't be happy bein' a mom," I laughed. Mariah loved to party. Even more so than some of the hoods I knew. She loved lookin' for trouble. I got my wild ways from her more than anyone else.

"That's true," she smiled. "So how's my favorite crazy nephew doing? Dallas treating you right?"

"Dally always treats me right," I laughed. "He's the only real family I've got left."

"Ouch, that hurt, right in the heart little miss," Mariah complained. "You know I'm always here for you, kid, right?"

"Uh-huh, when you aren't boozed up or drugged out. Hate to tell ya, 'Riah, but you're not around enough to count these days," I said truthfully.

"Hey, be nice," she said, a look of concern crossing her face. "You're getting sassy the older you get," she said sourly.

"Got a lot to be sassy about, I suppose," I muttered. I killed my glass of beer and slammed the glass on the table. I glanced at the clock and saw it was getting late. A lot later than I thought.

"Hey, wanna play a game of pool?" Mariah tried. She always tried, especially after mom died, to be there for us as much as she could.

"Only if we're playing for real money," I said slyly.

"Fine, but if you win, you're buying me a drink," she grinned.

"Deal," I laughed.

We wound up playing pool for several more hours. By the time I finally managed to get out of Buck's, it was well after two in the morning. I hurried down the black streets of Tulsa. I wasn't sure if Dally walked right past me or not while I was talking to Mariah, but I sure as hell didn't feel too safe about walking into Darry's living room at such a late hour.

I was reaching their front steps just as Ponyboy flew out of the door, knocking me flat on my ass in the process.

"Damnit, watch where the blue blazes you're going, kid!" I growled, pulling myself up, just as Darry was stepping onto the porch.

"Ponyboy! I didn't mean to!" he shouted.

"Why not wake the neighbors, Darry," I hissed. I pushed past him and stumbled into the kitchen. As I was filling a glass of water, I noticed the pained look on Soda's face.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I leaned against the counter.

"Ponyboy fell asleep in the lot," he said, his voice breaking.

"So?" I asked, not really seeing the importance of the statement.

"He just got back a few minutes ago…" Soda stalled.

"Spit it out kid, I just spent the last six hours shooting the shit with my mother's sister. I'm not in the mood for riddles," I said tiredly. My words were cruel, but my tone came off more desperate than anything else.

"Darry hit him. Darry hit Ponyboy," Soda's eyes glossed over. Anger bubbled in my chest. I slammed the glass on the counter, shattering the thin glass. I didn't care that blood ran down my hand as I stomped into the living room. Darry was staring at the front door, a look of defeat on his face. He was standing, his hands in his pockets. I came up to him, facing him, my chest swelling with pent up anger and hate.

"You hit him?" I asked, not entirely sure if I wanted him to say it out loud, or if I needed him to.

"Yeah," he whispered.

I let out a low growl, all the years of letting my anger towards my father and my older brothers build up, all those years of keeping my anger under control, it all finally poured out. I balled my fists, little drops of blood falling onto the rug as I swung at Darry, my fist connecting with his jaw with so much force, I could literally hear the bones in my break.

"Son of a bitch!" I yelped, pulling my hand to my chest as I glared at him. He made no move to restrain me. "How could you hit him? Your own brother! Your baby brother for crying out loud! How…Jesus Christ Darry, what the fuck were you thinking? Don't you think you push that poor child enough!" I screamed. I wanted to swing at him again, but the pain in my hand kept me from doing so. Instead, I spit in his face, turn on my heel and stomp into the kitchen, not saying a single word to Sodapop as I grab a package of peas out of the freezer, wrapping it around my broken hand.

"I'm sorry," Darry said as he walked into the kitchen. The look on his face proved his words were sincere. I deflated as soon as his look registered in my mind. I'd seen that look only one other time in my whole life, and that was when my mother belted me for running off and staying out all night when I was 12.

I didn't say anything as I sat down on the floor, my hand pulled protectively towards my chest. I was shaking, but it was more from the anger leaving my chest than anything else.

"May I?" Soda asked. He looked exhausted as he took my hand from me, gently pushing down. I let out a sharp hiss of pain as he worked the knuckles back in place. "Wrap it up real good, Soda," Darry said dully as he left the kitchen. I heard the springs of his chair creak as he sat down in it heavily.

"He's really sorry," Soda said gently as he wrapped my hand. I didn't say anything.

"Where do you think Pony ran off to?" I asked. That kid was the only thing on my mind.

"I don't even know," Soda said tiredly.

"I'm gonna go try an' find out," I decided after Soda finished wrapping my hand. "Go get me your brother's keys."

"Go get 'em yourself," Soda retorted.

"If I go back in there, I'm gonna break his nose," I said tiredly. "I ain't got patience to deal with him right now. Go get me the damn keys," I growled.

Two hours later, I was being stopped by the cops, yanked out of the old Ford pickup, and carted down to the station, where I was being bombarded with questions I had no idea how to answer. Apparently, a Soc was found dead in the park, next to the fountain. Stabbed to death from what the fuzz was saying. I guess they were planning to drag in Dally too.

"I ain't know shit," I spat. I refused to answer any more questions until Dally was brought in later that morning. By the time we were both released, I was beyond tired, worried, and frustrated. I was short fused as ever as Dally pulled into the Curtis' driveway, a look of panic on his face.

"You know don't you?" I asked softly.

"I ain't know shit," Dally said, his voice all too soft.

"Okay," I nodded. Dally knew. I knew he knew and I knew he knew that I knew. But I was going to let it go. When the cops described the boys to me, I knew they were referring to Ponyboy and Johnny, and I knew how much Dally cared about Johnny. I wasn't going to blow Dally's cover. At least not then. Instead, I kept my mouth shut as I went into the living room, collapsed on the couch, and fell into a pitiful, restless sleep.

The last thing I remember hearing before sleep completely took over, was Darry telling Dally that they had to find Ponyboy. That they just had to.

* * *

_**A/n - A huge thank you to all of you who have reviewed so far! It means the world to me! The next part of the story is going to be a bit...interesting to say the least. Let's keep in mind that we never really got to see what happened from the gang's perspective during that week. I'm going to be switching between third and first person point of views for some of the next few chapters, in order to fully paint you a picture of my idea of what could have happened. Bear with me, I've never tried to look at it from a different point of view before. ;)**_

_**As always, any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!**_


	9. Chapter 8 - Day 1

**Day 1**

I spent the entire afternoon walking up and down the streets of Tulsa, asking, threatening, and even begging people for information. No one was being helpful. All anyone claimed to know was the two Greasers killed a Soc in the park the night before, around 2 in the morning, and not a bit more or less than that. By the time I circled back, I found myself growing more and more concerned.

I walked through the front door and made a beeline for the phone.

"Dar, mind if I make a long distance call? I'll pay you back for it," I said carefully. He didn't say anything, but nodded, which was permission enough for me. I dialed home.

"Hello?" a familiar voice rang.

"Henry, it's Joy," I said softly.

"What in blue blazes do you want?" he said bitterly. Of all my brothers, Henry and I were the farthest apart. He hated me ever since the day I was born and the feeling was pretty mutual.

"I need a favor," I said carefully.

"And what makes you think I owe you anything?" he growled.

"It's not for me. It's for a friend," I said, glancing behind me. "I need you to get a few of my guys to come out here for a few days."

"Why?" his tone changed. This wasn't a favor anyone took lightly. Back home, we were close, but not like the gang here was. When we were asked for this kind of favor, it had to be important.

"I got a couple of kids down here, real good guys, ya know? And they're in a whole boat load of trouble. Like worse than we've ever been in kinda trouble," I said slowly. This was something even Henry would come to my side for.

"What, they kill someone or something?" he asked.

"Somethin' like that. Listen, they're AWOL and the one, shoot, Henry, he's only 14. He's got two brothers who are awful worried about him, and I need a few noses to the ground, ya understand?" I said softly. "Send Mike and Marley, maybe even Jake out here. Not right out here, but send 'em West. Don't know where those two got off to, but they gotta be between Oklahoma and one of the two Coasts, savvy?"

"Yeah, I got ya. I'll see who can go out, but Joy, you know this is a tall order, right? We don't send our guys out for no one 'less it's our own," he said. His tone was troubled.

"That's what I'm tellin' you, Henry. These two, they are our own. My own at least. We ain't ever turned our back on kin before, and I sure as hell ain't about to now."

"You turned your back on kin before," he corrected me, his tone turning harsh. "When you didn't come home with Tommy, you turned your back on this whole family."

"This is different, Henry. This is a kid. A young kid whose only family is his brothers and this gang. Now you listen and you listen good. You do me this favor, and I'll work some magic and get you whatever the hell you want," I promised.

"I'll see what I can do. You know, Tommy's got a death wish out for your ass. Offering two G's for your head on a stick," he said softly.

"Yeah, well, I'll give him my head on a stick the minute those boys are back safe and sound, ya dig?" I sighed.

"Sounds good. Ain't me you gotta worry about, lil' sis. Tell Dallas to keep you in check. I'll see what I can do on the home front. Those kids, they got names?" he asked.

"Names ain't important. One's a dark haired, tan kid with almost black eyes. Looks like a kicked pup, if you know what I mean. Then the other, the younger one, he's got a small build, but don't let it fool ya, he's real quick. He's got greyish green eyes and light brown hair. You won't be able to miss 'im. Keep your eyes out, okay? I don't know where those two could have gotten off to, but they both know Dally and me's got family in New York, and they just might head that way," I said. "Listen, I ain't using a free phone, you get your ass out there and see if you can't pull some strings. I'll send you a check in the mail. Split it with that brother of ours and call it even."

"Joy, good luck, ya hear? Keep yourself safe. You piss me off like no tomorrow, but at the end of the night, you're my kid sister and sometimes I care about ya, savvy?" he said, his tone almost sweet.

"Savvy real good, Henry. Take care now," I hung up and leaned against the wall. I didn't for a minute thing Johnny or Ponyboy could have ended up in New York, but it was the only thing I could think to do. At the very least, some of my boys from back home would be on red alert. They knew the stakes. They knew what murder meant. It meant life in jail or worse. None of us wanted to see two kids get sentenced to that.

"You put your ass on the line makin' that call," Dally said gently as I passed him in the living room.

"Yeah, well, if Mike or Jake can bring those two home, that's good enough for me," I said with a shake of my head. "I ain't got much to lose these days, but Darry, he's got two brother's he could very well lose because of this whole mess."

"It's a shame really," he sighed. We were heading towards the porch. "Ponyboy and Johnny, they're real good kids. They shouldn't be in this kinda trouble."

"You ain't a'woofin'," I sighed. "But you know, it was all a matter of time. The Socs here, glory, I thought it was bad at home. There we had real rivals, real enemies. Shoot, I was seeing another brother getting shot every week. But here, here it's so much worse in a whole different way."

"Rather be dead than beaten down," Dally agreed.

"Exactly. Back home, it was gang against gang, half the time, it was skin on skin and when it wasn't, it was still fair. Here….here these damn ingrates have no problem hurtin' kids and let me tell ya, it pisses me off," I lit a cigarette and handed the pack to Dally.

"You ain't kiddin'," he sighed as he lit up. "They're okay, you know that right? You gotta trust me that those two are alright."

"I won't trust you will I see 'em myself," I sighed.

Dally knew better than the question me. I had went out on a limb, because he wouldn't swallow his pride and tell me where he sent those two off to. He knew what I was sacrificing by asking my brother to do such a favor. I was lookin' at a life owned by a gang that wanted me for one thing and one thing only. It was something I wasn't proud of, but it was a deal I'd make if it meant keeping the Curtis boys together. Those three had been the best family I'd ever been able to meet and be a part of, and that was saying somethin'.

As the night dragged on, the mood around the house was sullen. No one knew if the two were alright. No one other than Dally. And Dally wasn't talkin'.

* * *

**_A/n - I normally don't like having to explain a chapter, but this time, I decided to give you a little background in order to help it make more sense. Henry is the 2nd oldest brother of Joy, if you hadn't picked up on that. The "Trade" she made with him was if he could get a couple of the guy in their gang to go out looking for Ponyboy and Johnny, she was offering her body to the gang. Keep in mind, that I'm basing this solely on here say, but from what I was taught and told growing up, once you're "owned" by a real gang, you're in for life. That was the offer Joy made. Here's what you don't know. Her oldest brother, Tommy, is the leader of the gang back in New York City. That was why she said "I'll give him my head on a stick...". She was offering herself up to her brother and his gang. _**

**_On a different note, I'm going to do all the days they were missing as a chapter each, this way, it doesn't become a jumbled mess. Feedback is always welcomed, as well as any suggestions or "wishes" you guys have. Want a certain character to react a certain way? Let me know and I'll work it in. Want to see a sentimental moment between Soda and Darry? A heated debate? Something totally not thought of? Let me know! I'm taking any and all suggestions! _**


	10. Chapter 9 - Day 2

**Day 2**

Darry and Joy spent the entire morning combing all of Tulsa and its neighboring towns. They didn't care as we crossed into Soc territory and Joy took to the streets on foot. She even went as far as to turn on the waterworks to get any leads whatsoever.

"Kids will be kids," one of the older men she asked said with a shake of his head. "Boys run off all the time."

"Not this kid," she said carefully. "My brother, he's a real swell kid. If you see him, track me down, alright?" She had gotten a lot more responses by calling Ponyboy her kid brother. It worked with the older people. The younger ones knew better.

By midafternoon, they had no useful leads. Everything was the same as it was the day before. She groaned as she climbed back into the truck, exhausted from walking around all day.

"What if he's dead somewhere?" Darry asked worriedly.

"He ain't dead," Joy assured him. She leaned against the back of the seat, her head throbbing. "He's probably got himself hidden real good somewhere. We'll find 'em Darry," she promised.

Darry didn't believe her. Every worse case scenario was going through his mind. He didn't know what to think.

* * *

On the other side of town, Steve and Sodapop were restlessly pacing back and forth in the livingroom. Soda hadn't slept since the night Ponyboy bolted and with every passing hour, he grew more and more restless and hostile.

"What if he's dead?" he asked his best friend.

"Shoot, Sodapop, you can't think like that," Steve said gently. Even Steve, who had never been all that fond of Ponyboy, was worried. He was worried about Ponyboy and Johnny.

"It's been two days, Steve," Soda said worriedly.

"It's only been two days," Steve nodded, trying to reassure his friend. "He'll come home, they both will."

"It feels like it's been so long already," Soda moaned. He slumped down on the couch, his head in his hands. Steve went to his best friend's side, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"They're going to be okay, Soda, you gotta believe that," he said softly. The whole ordeal was taking its toll on every member on the gang.

* * *

Two-Bit was a mess. He was sulking more than ever before and wasn't able to crack a single joke all day. Instead, he hounded Dally for information, begging, threatening, even going as far as to corner Dally more than once. Eventually, Dally did the only thing he knew to do. He lied.

"They might be headed towards Texas," he offered late in the afternoon. Darry's head shot up at the new information. Two-Bit groaned and grabbed his keys off the table, more than likely to plan a trip to Texas.

"Are you sure?" Joy asked, getting her hopes up. She hadn't heard back from her brother yet, and she was growing worried that he hadn't been able to pull off the favor she had asked of him.

Dally shot her a glance and all hope left her face. It was clear to her that Dally would say anything to get the gang off his back.

* * *

I wound up going down to the stables around 6 that evening, more for my own sanity that to actually search for the pair. I mounted an old bay mare, who Rick, one of the guys who rode in rodeos, said was calm enough for even the worst of riders. When I kicked her into a gallop, I naturally moved with every movement she made, my body instinctively learning the patterns.

I rode for almost an hour before something caught my eye. It was a very familiar looking piece of cloth. I pulled up on the reins and jumped from the saddle, snatching the fabric up before I really had a chance to think. It was a red handkerchief, one Soda had used only days ago to tend to Pony's cut.

"How in the world did this get here," I mused as I went back to the horse. "It's a shame you can't track like a scent hound," I muttered to her as I pocketed the piece of cloth before remounting, my hands tightening on the reins. "We gotta find 'em, you know that, ol' girl? We gotta bring those boys home.

* * *

When Joy returned home that evening, she was only able to sit for a few minutes before a loud pounding on the door made everyone jump except her. She knew that knock anywhere. She flew off the couch, tore the door open and leapt into the arms of someone she had missed more than anyone else in the world since leaving New York.

"Jesus Joy, excited much?" her brother Henry teased as she embraced a tall, long haired boy with bright blue eyes and a sly grin.

"It's been too long, Jake," she cried into his neck, her legs wrapped around his waist.

"You're beautiful as ever," he purred into her ear. She dropped her legs and gave him a quick kiss before leading him and the rest of the guys into Darry's house.

"Guys, this is Jake, Henry, Mike and Ritchie," she introduced. "And this is Darry and Sodapop, Steve and Two-Bit. Dally's somewhere around here," she said.

"Just give us the low down, Scout, we gotta get back on the road. Some of us have responsibilities back home," Henry said with a good natured smile.

"Hold tight," she said as she darted out of the living room, past Darry's room, and into the room Soda and Ponyboy shared. She had remembered Soda showing her an old year book a few weeks back. She grabbed it off the bookshelf and darted back into the living room.

"We're looking for two kids. One's 14, the other is 16," she explained as she opened the book, flipping through the pages. She pointed at a picture of Johnny.

"You got anything that has their scent on it?" Jake asked. Joy blinked, then nodded.

"Why?" she asked.

"We brought along a little friend of yours," Henry said, crinkling his nose. "By the way, you're washing my car."

Mike went back outside and returned a moment later with a tuff looking dog. A pit mix with cropped ears and a docked tail. He growled as soon as he reached the door, then sat down, tail tucked, eyes wide when he saw Joy.

"King!" she laughed as she went to the dog's side, rubbing his head tenderly. "He doesn't travel well," she noted.

"No, he doesn't," Henry agreed bitterly. "Listen, Tommy's already on my ass to get back home by tomorrow afternoon. We had to put a little something-somethin' on hold in order to come out here. Mike's riding back with me, and we're droppin' Ritchie out in the mid-west to keep an eye out. You and Jake can play detective all you want. The dog's your problem now, Tommy's tired of him being a pain in the ass, just give us the details and tell us whatcha want us to do if we hear from twiddle dee and twiddle dum."

"Sounds fair enough," She nodded. She knew how Tommy was. He didn't like sending his guys out on rescue missions, especially when it involved a crime like murder. Jake wasn't tied to the gang like the rest of the guys were. He was a free agent. He could come and go as he pleased. The rest were practically owned by Tommy, and what Tommy says goes.

"If you find 'em, you call me or Dally straight away. I don't care who you have to call to reach us, but you get on the phone and give us a ring the second you hear anything," she said coolly. "You find 'em, you bring 'em back, in one piece, savvy?"

"We ain't baby killers," Ritchie laughed. "We'll bring 'em home alive. You owe us, Joy-Anna. Tommy's pretty pissed that we made this drive for a couple'a kids."

"Yeah well, Tommy seems to forget the little favor we did for him a few years back when he knocked up his girlfriend and she tried to get him arrested, remember?" Jake shot back. "If Joy feels like these guys are kin, then that's good enough for me."

"Trust me, you're doing a bigger favor than you can imagine," She told Henry. "You wouldn't turn you back on Mike's kid sisters or Ritchie's little brothers, would ya?"

"No," he huffed. "But that's different."

"It ain't. You don't know these guys like me and Dally do," she said with a shake of her head. "They're more of a family to me than you and the rest ever were."

"That's harsh, Joy-Anna. You'll eat those words one day," Henry scolded.

"I won't," she said sternly. "I finally know where I belong Henry. And it ain't runnin' the streets in Brooklyn or scrappin' it out with the gang on the West Side. I belong here. This is where mom woulda wanted me to be, and this is what mom woulda wanted me to do."

"Don't bring our dead mother into this," Henry said bitterly. "Mom never woulda let dad send you here in the first place."

"She would've and you know it. I talked to Mariah last night. Did you know that mom and Carl met the Curtis' parents almost two decades ago? Mom liked them real fine. Said they were gonna be great parents," she shot back. "That was right after you were born Henry. Mom had a lot of regrets when she died. She never liked the city like dad did."

"You trustin' 'Riah over dad now?" he snorted. "Shows how much brains you got in that head o' yours. We'll keep our eyes open. You and Jake go make babies or smoke dope or whatever it is that you two do. But remember, you're ours the moment those two come home."

"Only, and I mean only, if one of your guys finds 'em first," she growled. "That was the deal."

"She's right, Hen, if one of her guys finds 'em first, the deals off and I'm outta the gang for good. I'm tired of what you put that poor girl through," Jake said defensively. He wrapped his arms around Joy, his eyes flashing with hatred for the guys in front of him.

"Whatever. We don't need the little sex kitten anyway," Henry shot back. "Remember Joy, you're owned by a far greater power than a coulda do goods," he said before turning and leading his boys out of the house. Joy could feel the tension in the air as she closed the door, her heart sinking. She knew that she had severed ties with her gang long ago, but she never imagined that by siding with a new one, in a new city, that she was putting so much pressure on her brother. Henry wanted what was best for her, deep down he did, but he had to follow their older brother's orders, regardless of how ruthless and insensitive they were. Rules were rules, and unlike the gang in Tulsa, a gang that was more of a family than anything else, back in New York, the gangs were a lot crueler. A lot harder to handle. Joy knew all this, but she was also one to hold true to her word. Now, the only thing on her mind was finding Ponyboy and Johnny before any of her brother's guys did.

Jake seemed to read her mind as he wrapped her in a protective hug. He leaned down and whispered "If I know Dallas Winston, he's got those boys hidden away somewhere real good. All we gotta do is get him to talk."


	11. Chapter 10 - Day 3

"_How can I feel this empty?__  
__I will not recover this time__  
__This loneliness is killing me__Will I never know peace of mind again?__  
__I don't believe it__  
__I can't achieve it__  
__I think it all is just another sign__  
__It never went away completely__Terror is coursing in me__  
__Dreading the final moments__  
__Where I have to be__  
__And feel you die" – Disturbed "Asylum"_

* * *

**Day 3**

Jake and Joy took off early in the morning to go looking for Ponyboy and Johnny. No one was in the mood to look anymore, but Joy felt like it was the only thing she could do. She had asked Darry for something Pony had worn recently, and when he gave her his sweatshirt, she felt tears welling in her eyes as she held it to King's nose. King let out a low bark and started to pull at his rope leash.

"Maybe they aren't far," Jake suggested as he let King pull him down the street. Joy, however, didn't feel so optimistic. It had been 3 days. She knew the longer they were gone, the less likely it was that they'd find them safe and sound. She hadn't heard back from her brother, so she safely assumed that they hadn't had any luck either.

Darry hadn't slept more than an hour or two since the night he hit Ponyboy. It was all he could think about. He drove his little brother from the house. He was the reason Ponyboy was in the situation he was in. Darry didn't know if Ponyboy was safe or not. He didn't know if Ponyboy was alive. It terrified him to think of the worst case scenario. All he could keep doing was thinking about his baby brother, laying out somewhere, dead and rotting away.

Soda, on the other hand, was trying to be positive. He was sure Dally knew where his brother was, Johnny too. Dally loved Johnny like no one could even understand. Soda knew that. He knew Dally wouldn't just turn his back on Johnny. Dally was painfully loyal to the gang, and even more so to Johnny. Soda was thinking all this as he wrote a letter to Ponyboy, which he would wind up giving Dally the following day.

_Ponyboy,_

_Well I guess you got into some trouble, huh? Darry and me_

_nearly went nuts when you ran out like that. Darry is awful_

_sorry he hit you. You know he didn't mean it. And then you_

_and Johnny turned up mising and what with that dead kid_

_in the park and Dally getting hauled into the station, well it_

_scared us something awful. The police came by to question_

_us and we told them as much as we could. I can't believe_

_little old Johnny could kill somebody. I know Dally knows_

_where you are, but you know him. He keeps his trap shut_

_and won't tell me nothing. Darry hasn't got the slightest_

_notion where you're at and it is nearly killing him. I wish_

_you'd come back and turn your selfves in but I guess you_

_can't since Johnny might get hurt. You sure are famous._

_You got a paragraph in the newspaper even. Take care and_

_say hi to Johnny for us._

_Sodapop Curtis_

Two-Bit woulda headed out for Texas had Steve not cut the wires in his car. Steve was feeling pretty awful about the whole thing, but he did it because he cared. He had a feeling Dally was bluffin' and he didn't want Two-Bit doin' something stupid. It was better that way anyway. The gang needed each other, then more than ever before.

Joy was staring out at the stars late that night, when she felt a strong urge to pester her cousin for information. She was sitting on the front porch, with Jake's head in her lap, him dozing lightly where he lay. She felt bad for moving him, but she needed to find out what Dally knew.

Dally, thankfully, was in the living room, staring blankly as the news flashed the images of their two lost friends for the millionth time that day. Joy tapped his shoulder and motioned for him to follow her. She snatched Darry's keys off the table, knowing he wouldn't mind her using his truck. The pair climbed into it in silence and didn't say a word to one another until Joy had made good distance between them and the house.

"Where are they Dally? I promise, I won't say nothin' to the guys," she begged.

"I can't tell you, Joy, you know that," he retorted.

"You have to. Dally, my ass is on the line. If Tommy's gang finds them before I do, I'm lookin' at a life of hellish nightmares that even the war vets would cringe at," I said. "Do you really want me to face that kinda shit?"

"They won't find 'em, I promise," he said softly. "Soda already knows I know where they are. He found Ponyboy's sweatshirt at Bucks," he sighed. "I don't need no one else knowing…"

"Dallas, I'm your cousin for God's sake. We've been through hell and back together. Fuck, who bailed your ass outta jail more times that either of us care to admit? Who's had your back since day one, way back when even my mom told me you were nothing but trouble? Dally, those two…they're like little brothers to me. Ponyboy reminds me of Ry-Ry in so many ways. And Johnny…shoot, don't Johnny remind you of Carlos so much?" she asked. Carlos had been a close friend of the two in New York – he had been gunned down when he was 16, because he owned someone more money than he could ever pay off. Joy and Dally had both been there when he died. Joy had had his head in her lap as he stuttered his last words ever. _Tell the gang…that they were all I ever had as far as family goes…_ To that day, those words haunted Joy.

"It's not like that this time. I don't wanna see those two get hauled in for self-defense, ya dig?" Dally said softly.

"Uh-huh, but looked at it this way, Dally, the longer those two are on the run, the worse it's gonna be for them," she said softly.

"I know," Dally moaned, shoving his face into his hands. Joy sighed and turned the truck around, driving slowly back towards the house. After the truck was parked and both were back inside, it was Jake who caught Joy's attention.

"Call Mariah, she's got news," he said urgently. As soon as the words left his mouth, Joy was off the couch and running towards the phone, dialing her aunt's number as quickly as possible.

"'Riah?" she said anxiously.

"Scout, I'm glad you called. Listen, there's been a…well how can I say this….Tommy…well he….he….uhm…." she couldn't see to spit the words out. She was using her mother's old nickname for her. 'Scout' was a very sentimental nickname. Even her brother's refrained from using it unless they really had something important to say.

"Spit it out, Mariah Jane," Joy shouted into the phone. She didn't like where this was going.

"Tommy's dead, Joy-Anna. He got mixed up with something about who owned what turf and…well…he done got himself killed. From what I heard, and it ain't much, damn near half the gang is gone," she said, her voice breaking. "Your daddy's a mess, Joy."

"I gotta call Henry…" she whispered into the phone, her blood running cold. "Mariah, tell me Henry's alright."

"I don't know, baby girl, I just don't know," her voice broke as she started sobbing. "I told you kids to get off the streets. That runnin' your mouth would only lead to an early grave. But none of y'all listened. None of y'all too heed to my warnin's…" she sobbed.

"Mariah, I gotta call Henry. I gotta know who we lost. I gotta know…I gotta know that Tommy didn't let the kids…let the younger boys…Glory, Mariah, I gotta know," Joy whispered. Her brother's gang had a small group of younger kids, between the ages of 13 and 16, who were look outs and narks, helpin' keep the gang out of trouble and in the good graces of some of the fuzz who sometimes let petty crimes slide.

"Okay," Mariah said. Joy hung up and leaned against the wall, her heart pounding in her chest.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked, coming up, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Tommy's…dead," she whispered. Tears welled in her eyes as she dialed home. The phone rang and rang and rang. Normally someone, anyone, was home to answer the phone. Finally, after what felt like the millionth ring, someone picked up.

"'ello?" the voice said. It wasn't a familiar voice.

"It's Joy, is my brother home?" she asked urgently.

"Joy, don't you know?" the girl asked. "Didn't you hear?"

"Who is this?" she barked.

"Joy, it's Abbey," the girl said. It suddenly clicked. Abbey was Tommy's ex-girlfriend and the co-founder of their gang.

"Abbey, what happened tonight?" Joy asked, her voice breaking.

"Tommy and Henry were staking out the market, like they normally did when they needed to blow off steam. Some of the younger boys, I think Mark and his posse, were scooping it out. But it didn't matter. None of 'em were expecting the ambush. Shoot, none of us knew the territory line shifted. You remember Shark and Izzy, right?" she went on.

"Uh-huh, real nasty bunch they led," she said.

"Well Shark had a fallin' out with our guys a few weeks back…and well…he wanted to settle the score. We lost 19 boys tonight," she said dully. "Henry and Tommy…they were the first to…the first…Joy, it's real bad here," she whispered.

"Henry's…." Joy couldn't bring herself to say it.

"Henry, Tommy, Mike, Ritchie, Grace, Mark…" Abbey whispered. "Storm, Black-Dog, Scar," she went on to name the older guys in our gang.

"What about the kids?" Joy moaned. "Tell me we didn't lose any of the kids tonight."

"We lost all of 'em," she whispered. "Mark had 'em all there. All 10 of 'em. James, Two-by-Four, Paws, Blade, Marco, Little Timmy," she couldn't bring herself to say the name Joy was waiting for. Darren's best buddy, Angel, was among the fallen. Deep in her heart, Joy knew it.

"Angel?" she asked, tears falling from her eyes.

"Angel's gone," Abbey said dryly. "But this ain't over. We're going all out, what's left of us anyway."

"Abb, it ain't worth it. It's over," Joy whispered. "Send my love to my ol' man, would you? I'll come home for the funeral if I can."

"I understand, Joy. Listen, those kids you got the SOS on, you find them, ya dig? You bring those boys home and you never, ever let 'em go. Tonight, I really realized what that gang out there means to you. They mean as much to you as my guys…as Tommy and the rest meant to me," she said sadly. "You bring those boys home and you make sure they know how much they mean to you, okay?"

"Sure, Abbey," she whispered. "You take care now."

"You too," Abbey hung up the phone. Joy held the receiver in her hand for a moment longer before setting it down in its stand. Her heart fell to the floor as her knees gave way. Jake wrapped her in his arms, rubbing circles in her back. Even from the one sided conversation, he knew it was real bad back home. He knew Joy was torn up about it, and it broke his heart to see her that way. He loved her more than he ever let on, and he knew she wasn't gonna take the news of her brother's deaths lightly.

"Dallas, come in here," Joy shouted. Her shouting brought the whole gang, minus the two missing boys, into the kitchen.

"What'd I do?" Dally asked.

"You didn't do nothing," she said, tears streaming freely down her cheeks. She looked at the group that stood before her. Her eyes settled for a few seconds on each and every one of them. She took in Darry's hard features, the way his eyes showed how much guilt he felt. She looked at Soda, who's once dancing eyes were dull and troubled. She locked eyes with Steve, who gave her a knowing look. Two-Bit's ever happy demeanor was gone. Lastly, her eyes settled on Dally, who looked like he hated the world more than ever before. The fear in his eyes was so well hidden, that anyone would have mistaken it for rage. But not Joy. Joy knew her cousin too well. She knew he was as scared as she was.

"You guys mean the world to me, you know that, right?" Joy whispered. Before anyone could reply, Joy buried her face into Jake's chest, sobbing bitterly as he explained what he had picked up from the conversation. The look of defeat and the tension in the air was apparent, even long after everyone had retired to their chosen sleeping spots. Jake kept Joy wrapped in his arms as the two curled up on the floor, finding little comfort in each other's embrace.

Dally stared blankly at the wall, unable to comprehend the news. Darry looked more worried that usual. Soda didn't even try to cheer anyone up. Two-Bit's eyes were vacant as he slowly absorbed the news. Steve, only Steve, looked in control of his emotions. His eyes were cold as ever, his features etched in a look of hatred. That night, it was Steve Randle who learned to hate the world a whole lot more. Because innocent lives were lost. Never in a million years, did he stop to think that such tragedy would soon be hitting very, very close to home.

* * *

_**A/n - This chapter was essential to the next handful of chapters. I decided to use it to set up the scenes that we're all dreading and decided it would fit nicely into the way the gang will ultimately react come the end of the book's original chapters. I decided it was far easier to add something that could further explain the way Dally reacts to Johnny dying, and thus, how the gang reacts to losing both of them. Remember, we don't get to see anything about how they're dealing with it in the book. This will give us something to work with. Or at least, that's my hope. **_

_**Also - for lack of good, sound 60's gangs that aren't still in existence, I've decided to refrain from actually naming either of the gangs. They will remain that way throughout the story. Most of the OCs in this chapter are pretty much irreverent, I just thought giving names to some of the characters would offer a little more "realism" to the chapter. :)**_

_**Let me know what you think - I love writing about drama, if you can't tell. The next chapter (the day before Dally heads out to the church, as par with book details) will revolve heavily around Sodapop and Darry and how they're dealing with their brother being missing. :) **_


	12. Chapter 11 - Day 4

_"So many_  
_Bright lights, they cast a shadow_  
_But can I speak?_  
_Well is it hard understanding_  
_I'm incomplete_  
_A life that's so demanding_  
_I get so weak_  
_A love that's so demanding_  
_I can't speak_

_I am not afraid to keep on living_  
_I am not afraid to walk this world alone_  
_Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven_  
_Nothing you can say can stop me going home" - My Chemical Romance "Famous Last Words"_

* * *

**Day 4**

I decided to go to work with Darry that morning, in hopes of overhearing one of the guys he worked with say anything. That, and because I had get away from the troubled looks of the gang. Steve of all people, took me aside only an hour before, asking me if I needed to talk or anything. Of all the guys, Steve and I had the most distance between us. He was a decent guy, but not someone I would consider a friend just yet. He was too angry. Too bitter at the world. I couldn't handle that kind of anger, especially then.

I was sitting in the bed of Darry's truck, writing in my ratty notebook when King perked up, his ears twitching, his jaws clenching.

"What is it boy?" I asked. King had been a constant rock throughout the last 24 hours. I had made Jake catch the earliest train back to New York the night before, so he could be there for the gang. He was more important and closer to the guys than I had ever been.

King let out a sharp bark, pulling at his chain. I had him secured to the spare tire in Darry's truck.

"Easy boy, c'mon, let's walk a little," I said softly as I unhooked the chain, replacing it with a rope leash before hopping off the bed of the truck, King in tow. He growled and tugged at the leash. I hadn't been aware that we were near the train tracks until King led me to a vacant car. He barked and barked, drawing my attention to something inside. It was a small scrap of cloth. A very familiar scrap of cloth.

"Easy boy, stop tuggin'," I said gently as I wrap the rope around my hand. I hold King firm as I search the vacant car. I want to climb in, but I know all too well where hoppin' a train will get you.

"Can I help you?" a scruffy old man asked. I turned to him and put on my sweetest smile.

"My dog's caught scent of something, that's all," I said sweetly. "Where does this train lead to?"

"Straight through Windrixville and then some, why?" he asked curiously.

"Just curious," I smiled.

"Not thinkin' of running away, are you?" he asked.

"No, sir," I said lightly. "I like my home mighty fine," it was a lie, but it worked. The man nodded and walked away.

"Windrixville, I shoulda known," I scoffed. I pulled King away from the car and stomped by whole way back to Darry's truck. He was on his lunch break, so he saw me approach, his expression changing.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I huffed. I clipped the chain to King's collar and lifted him into the bed of the truck. He growled and barked his head off, tugging sharply at the chain, almost lifting the tire off the bed in the process. "Damn it, dog, if you don't settle yourself, I'm shipping you off to New York to live with my father," I snapped, swatting at his nose. He tucked his tail and laid down, his eyes locked in the distance.

"What's got you all fired up?" Darry asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Nothing. When you get back on the roof, can I borrow the truck for an hour or two?" I asked. Darry looked like he was about to say no, but he nodded instead.

"Just bring 'er back with a tank of gas," he said. I nodded and took the keys. I waited the whole ten minutes before Darry finally sighed reluctantly and climbed back onto the roof of the house he was working on. He hated the second half of his shift most days. I sighed with relief and pulled the truck out of the parking lot, carefully driving down the streets of Tulsa.

When I pulled up in front of Buck's, I decided it was safer to bring King inside than to leave him tied to the truck. King could get very mean, very quick, but he was easier to handle than some dogs. I kept him at my side as I opened the unlocked door, welcoming myself in as I had several times before.

"Look what the cat drug in," he snorted from his perch on his couch. For once he was home and not at the bar.

"Dallas here?" I asked coolly.

"Yeah, why?" he asked, his tone harsher than normal.

"I gotta talk to him," I shrugged. "Mind tellin' him to get his ass outside?"

"Oooh, Not-so-Joyful is angry!" one of Buck's hoodlum friends cooed. I would have hit him, had King not decided that was the perfect time to start pulling at the leash. I sighed and kept both hands on his leash.

"Buck. Now!" I snapped. Buck groaned and rolled off the couch, heading for the staircase.

"He in trouble?" he asked.

"No," I shrugged. "But I gotta talk to him."

I went back outside and pushed King into the front of the truck before sitting in the bed of it, waiting for Dally to emerge. He came out ten minutes later, rubbing his temple.

"This better be important," he grumbled as he sat beside me, lighting a cigarette.

Dally really didn't look too hot. I knew he'd been drinking a lot more than usual since the whole nightmare started, but that day, he looked really, really out of it.

"Windrixville? Of all the places to ship those two off to, you choose Windrixville?" I hissed.

"What? No," Dally fumbled. His face sorta turned a shade of green. I was worried about him now, and decided to let matters lie. I knew he was lying straight to my face, but my concern for my cousin was greater than having him admit his lie.

"You okay, cuz?" I asked. He laid his head in his hands, shaking lightly under the autumn sun.

"No," he moaned softly. I placed a hand on his forehead. He wasn't warm.

"What's wrong?" I asked gently. I never saw Dally sick in my entire life. And that's saying a lot, since we spent a lot of time together as kids. Well, until he moved to Tulsa, that is.

"Dunno. Food poisoning? Guilt? Hangover? Take your pick," he muttered.

"You go rest. We'll talk about this tomorrow," I said with a sigh. I knew Dally. If Dally beating himself up about all this, he must really be worried and really, really care. Dally doesn't get emotional, and he sure as fuck doesn't worry himself sick about no one.

"Yeah," he muttered. He didn't move. My concern for him grew with each passing second. "You see Soda today?"

"Not since this morning. Why?" I asked.

"He's a mess. I ain't ever seen that kid so messed up," he sighed. He looked up at me and for the first time in my entire life, I saw tears in his eyes. "This whole mess…it just ain't right, Joy."

"I know, Dally, I know," I said softly, putting an arm around him. "Well Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore," I sighed softly. King pawed at the window of the truck, almost to empathize my statement. Dally and me, we were from New York. We were used to losing people left and right. Shoot, when my mom died, it took me two months to finally break down and cry. Dally? When his mom died, he didn't cry once. We were used to saying goodbye. But then, we were also used to people only caring half the time. Here, it was different. Here, we formed bonds that were so much stronger, so much more than just a few people forced to be loyal to a gang they really hated. Here, we were a family, we were kin down to the last drop of blood in our veins. Here, the bonds were ten times stronger and meant a whole world more than they did in New York.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the DX station, Soda was a mess. He could barely function anymore. Steve was working on an old sports car when Soda suddenly sank to the floor beside him, his face ashy, his eyes dark from lack of sleep.

"Sodapop, you okay?" Steve called anxiously. "Hey, buddy," he said a bit louder as he moved towards Soda. Soda was staring off into space, his face twisted in an expression of utter fear.

"What if they're dead, Steve?" he whispered. Steve sighed softly and moved to sit next to his friend.

"You can't think like that, Sodapop," he said gently. He wrapped his arm around Soda, pulling his best friend close. Soda's head fell onto his shoulder. That was when Steve noticed just how broken up Soda really was. Soda was trying so hard to keep it together, to keep everyone together. But it was killing him. Slowly, one day at a time, it was killing him. By the time Steve finally managed to calm Soda down, it was apparent that his best friend was slowly losing his grip on what was real and what wasn't.

"You need sleep, buddy," he said gently. It was no secret that no one was getting much sleep the last few nights.

"Yeah, sleep," Soda mumbled.

Steve was trying to come up with a plan when a familiar rumble came from outside the garage doors. When he looked up, he got a face full of dog fur.

"What the hell?" he yelped, pushing the now familiar dog off him. "King, sit!" he spat. The dog immediately sat down. Right on Steve's foot.

"Kingsland, get your butt over here, you pesky mutt," Joy's shrill voice rang clear. Steve looked past the dog, at the woman standing by the doorway. She looked so much older than 17. She had lost a lot of weight in the last week or so, having spent most nights out looking for Ponyboy and Johnny, even though they all knew the pair weren't in their neighborhood anywhere. She looked as exhausted as he felt.

"You got Darry's truck?" he asked. She nodded and walked over to him, swatting King out of the way. She sat down on the cold cement, her face showing no emotion. Her eyes were full of spark though. He wanted to know why.

"Soda, you need sleep. And a shower," she said gently, her tone almost motherly. Steve couldn't help but smile at how Joy treated the middle Curtis brother. Soda didn't complain as she pulled him to his feet, nearly falling over herself in the process. She pointed at the truck, and much to Steve's surprise, King got up and stayed close to Soda as he stumbled towards the truck. When the door closed loudly, Joy turned to Steve.

"How're you holding up?" she asked gently. She leaned against the wall, clearly exhausted.

"As good as anyone," he said with a sigh. "Any news?"

"Probably. I dunno. Dally isn't up to a round of questions right now. I swear to god, I'm bringing those two home if it's the last thing I do," she said with a shake of her head. As soon as she did, she groaned. Steve reached out a hand to keep her from falling.

"You're wearing yourself out, Joy," he said gently. Steve honestly liked Joy. She was fast and sly and didn't have a problem tellin' it how it is. She was also real tough for a girl. She could hold her own in a fight with no problem and wasn't afraid to put her own feelings aside. She wasn't like most girls.

"It's been one hell o' a week. My ol' man called this morning," she informed him. "He's signin' his right to me away and told me if I ever step foot in that house again, he'll put a bullet in my head."

"Harsh, man," Steve said dully. "You tell Dally?"

"Naw, shoot, I knew my ol' man was fed up with me. Didn't think he'd go as far as to threaten me, but that's how he is. I guess losing the boys…all of them…" she stopped. She sank to the floor, breathing hard. "I guess it just…" Steve watched her carefully. All color had drained from her face and her hands were shaking something fierce.

"Joy, you good?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. She pressed her eyes shut, lifting one of her hands, placing it on top of his, her fingers wrapping tightly around his wrist, almost like she was holding on for dear life. Steve's heart began to race as he watched her. He'd never seen nothing like it before.

After a few long, painstakingly long minutes, her breathing settled and she opened her eyes again.

"Sweet baby Jesus," she sighed, shaking her head to clear it. "Sorry," she added, throwing a look at Steve.

"What happened?" he asked, keeping his hand where it was, even after she loosened her grip.

"It's all the stress man, I swear. Guess my mom was right – I do listen to my fucking heart more than my head," she sighed. She stood up, nodding at Steve. "Thanks for being here," she said softly as she spun around and half jogged out of the garage, leaving Steve to stare on with confusion.

* * *

Darry was up on the roof of the house they were working on, but his mind was elsewhere. He wasn't paying attention as he nailed the roofing down. Instead, he had a million other things going through his mind.

He was overly aware that everyone was running themselves ragged the last few days. Steve was always at their house now, always trying to keep Soda calm. Soda…Jesus, Soda wasn't sleeping nearly enough and it was beginning to show. He'd even had to keep Soda from driving. Soda was dead on his feet half the time.

_You aren't doing much better, buddy, _he thought to himself. He too, was exhausted. Joy always went out at night. He didn't know where she went, but he knew she was looking long and hard for clues. He really appreciated her help. She cooked and cleaned and kept things organized, then spent all night looking. He didn't know where they'd be right now if she hadn't stuck around.

Dally was a different story. Dally was avoiding the house more than ever, unless he was calling upon Joy to drive him to Buck's. He'd been drinking more than anyone, even more than Two-Bit and that was saying something, since Two-Bit was drinking himself numb every single night.

"Hey Curtis, keep your head up," one of his coworkers hollered. Darry glanced up and realized his mistake. He had hammered the roofing up completely wrong.

"Take the day off, son," his boss shouted. "You ain't in no shape to be up on a roof," he added.

Darry didn't say anything as he climbed down the ladder. He knew Joy had the truck, but he also knew she wouldn't be much longer. She always had the truck back early.

As expected, twenty minutes later, Joy was pulling into the parking lot. She turned the truck's motor off and stayed where she was for a minute, even though she saw Darry walking towards her. King was at the house with Soda, so she wasn't bothering to move shit around for him like she would have normally. Instead, her eyes stared into the distance.

That was when Darry noticed just how pale she was.

"Scoot over," he said softly as he opened the door. She did so almost robotically.

"They're fine," she said softly, despite her heart telling her to stay quiet. "I just know it."

"I sure hope so," he sighed as he turned the key in the ignition.

"They are," she reasoned. "I know it."

"Okay," Darry nodded. He didn't feel like arguing, and quite frankly, he appreciated her optimism.

They rode in silence the whole way home. Darry was relieved to see Soda asleep on the couch, but it wasn't long before his brother rose and joined them in the kitchen. No one wanted to talk. They were all too lost in their own thoughts. Joy left a while later, saying there was something she needed to do. Darry noticed that she seemed more off than usual, but didn't say anything. He was too concerned with Soda and how awful the poor kid was looking. Then again, Darry didn't look too hot himself.


	13. Chapter 12 - Day 5 Bitter Sweet Hello

_"So I'm going home, back to the place where I belong_  
_And where your love has always been enough for me_  
_I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong_  
_I don't regret this life I chose for me_  
_But these places and these faces are getting old" - Daughtry "Home"_

* * *

**Day 5**

I knew something was wrong the moment I woke up. I had jerked awake, startled by King's urgent barks. I rolled over, forgetting that I was couch for a change, which resulted in smacking my head off the coffee table, knocking a glass of water onto Steve's sleeping form in the process.

"What the hell?" he snapped, sitting up. I groaned and rubbed my aching head. King was jumping at the door, barking wildly.

"Dog, I'm gonna wring your neck!" I shouted. He just kept on barking, scratching his sharp nailed into the door. "You keep scratching at that door and I'm sellin' you to replace it!" I was irritated. I stumbled over to the door and shoved the dog outside. He sat down right in the middle of the doorframe, scratching at something on the ground. It was a note. Addressed to me. I sighed and picked it up before pushing King back inside.

"What's that?" Steve asked.

"Nothin'," I shrugged. I causally slipped the paper into my pocket. "Tell Darry to drive you to work, I'm borrowing your car," I added as I grabbed his keys off the table.

"I need my car!" he whined.

"So do I," I shrugged. "I'll fill it up on my way back." I tossed a couple dollars onto the table to compensate for me taking his car rather than asking for it. As soon as I was in the car, I sped off, the tires screaming in protest as I swung a sharp right. I pulled over after I was a few streets away and opened the letter.

_Joy  
I'm heading down to Windrixville to get the boys. Meet us up at Jay Mountain. You remember the old church right? The one your mom used to tell us about? That's where I got them hidden. We're bringin' them home, Joy, we're bringin' them home._

_~ Dally_

I couldn't help but smile as I pulled away from the curb and sped down the road, heading in the right direction. I rolled down the windows and let the warm breeze filter in.

"Thank you Dallas for doing the right thing," I said as I turned on the radio, flipping through the stations until a very familiar Elvis Presley song began to play.

"Tomorrow night  
Will you remember what you said tonight?  
Tomorrow night  
Will all thrill be gone?  
Tomorrow night  
Will it be just another memory,  
Or just another lovely song  
That's in my full heart to linger on?"

As I drove, I suddenly realized how lonely it was to make the ride alone. It was a long drive, and with Steve's old piece of junk grinding and coughing every few miles, I was beginning to regret even taking it. I'd have been better off borrowing the truck. Of course, then Darry would have had a cow.

It took a few hours to get out to Jay Mountain, but when I did, I saw Buck's familiar T-Bird parked by the side of the gravel road. I looked at the hill, my heart sinking when I saw the cloud of black smoke pouring out of every possible crack in the old church.

"Fuck," I cursed, slamming on the breaks, causing the car to groan in protest. I was out of the seat before the car even came to a complete stop. I reached the top of the hill in time to see Dally chasing after Ponyboy and Johnny. They were running straight for the church.

"What are they thinking?" I said to myself as I picked up my pace, not slowing until I reached the group of people standing a few feet back.

"They're just kids, they shouldn't be going in there!" a woman cried. "They…they…"

"Ma'am," I said softly. "What happened?"

"I don't know," she whimpered. "But a few of the children are stuck in there. A couple of boys ran in after them," she explained. I nodded, following along. I pushed past her and ran towards the window, shoving a fat man out of the way. I was at Dally's side, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Those idiots," we said in unison.

"Ponyboy, drop the kids out!" I shouted. I could see him nod through the window. A moment later, he was dropping a kicking, screaming little kid into my arms. I fell back, letting the kid hit the ground with a thud.

"Don't bite," I scolded, pushing him away before standing again. Dally was taking a kid from Johnny.

They got the kids out quickly, despite the smoke and falling ambers.

"The roof!" Dally shouted. "Get the hell outta there!"

Ponyboy was struggling to get out of the window. Dally grabbed him and pulled him through as I was climbing in to get Johnny. The roof was giving way quicker than I'd hoped.

"C'mon Johnny!" I shouted, smoke filling my lungs. I didn't make it a foot from the window when I heard a sickening cracking sound. Dally grabbed me by my hair, pulling me back towards the window, which I jumped through without hesitation because Johnny was right on my heels.

Then I heard a sound I will never, ever forget. A blood curdling, high pitched scream.

Dally threw me to the ground with so much force, I felt the bones in my wrist snap as I landed awkwardly on the grass. I rolled out of the way, seeing spots from the force of the blow.

Next thing I knew, I was drifting in and out of consciousness.

* * *

"Get the hell away from me," she growled at one of the doctors who were attempting to stick a needle in her arm. Her eyes were on fire, fear and pain written across her face. She didn't like hospitals. At all.

The doctor gave up, having had enough with her attitude. He plastered her wrist then let her sign herself out, unwilling to work on such an angry teenage hood. She limped down the hall, her eyes glossed with tears as she entered the waiting room, where she found Ponyboy smoking a cigarette.

"Cancer stick?" she asked as she sat down beside him.

"You okay?" he asked, nodding at her wrist.

"Just a minor break," she lied. "A few burns on my arm but otherwise okay. You?" she asked.

"I'm good," he nodded. "Have you seen Dally or Johnny?"

"Dally was a few rooms over," she informed him. "His arm's burnt up pretty good, but he'll live," she shrugged. "Haven't seen Johnny yet."

"Me either…" he sighed.

"There're some people here to see you," the fat man from the church said to Ponyboy. "Claim to be your brothers or something."

Ponyboy was out of his seat so fast, it gave Joy whiplash. She didn't move. She didn't have the energy to.

When Soda and Darry walked through the door, her heart melted at the scene as it unfolded before her very eyes.

* * *

**A/n - I'm going to take a small break from this story for a couple days. I really want to make the next chapter deep and emotional, so I'm going to focus on that for a while. Stay tuned darlings!**


	14. Chapter 13 - Come What May

"Family of Dallas Winston?" a nurse calls softly a moment later. I smile at my friends before standing, my back aching slightly from sitting in the cold, plastic chair.

"I'm his cousin," I said. I wasn't sure why I was being honest. I could have very well passed as his sister. We looked alike.

"Dallas is going to be just fine," she assured me. "His arm is badly burned from when he pulled the other boy," she looked at the file and confirm, "Johnny from the fire. A few weeks rest and he'll be good as new."

"Thanks," I nodded. "Can I see him?"

"Soon. Right now, we have his sedated to ease the pain. A nurse will come by to let you know when he's awake," she said brightly.

"Thank you," I said. I sighed and turned back towards the trio. Darry was hugging Pony for dear life. I'd never seen him look so scared and so relieved at the same time before. I walked towards them slowly, before pulling Ponyboy into a hug myself. I needed to feel close to someone. That week had just been too long.

"Ever play a stunt like that again, and Darry'll look like a kitten compared to what I'll do to ya," I hissed in his ear as I ruffled his now bleached blonde hair. He grinned up at me, knowing that my threat was good.

"You followed us in," he reminded me.

"Well what? Did you really think I was about to let you three get your damn asses killed?" I muttered. "I can't lose no one else."

"None of us can," Darry said sincerely. "Thanks."

"For what?" I asked, confused.

"For lookin' after my kid brother. You knew where he was all along, didn't you?" he asked softly.

"No," I said honestly, shaking my head. "I didn't know until King dragged me over to the tracks that day I went to work with you," I explained. "King went crazy, and some guy told me the train passes through Windrixville. I put two and two together."

"Dally didn't tell you where we were?" Ponyboy asked in amazement. "I thought you two were close?"

"Dally's fiercely loyal," I shrugged. "It comes with the territory. Besides, we had a rule back home – unless it's a life or death situation, let matters lay as long as possible."

"Still…" Ponyboy said. "You coulda told Soda."

"Trust me, kid, I wanted to," I laughed softly. "But then I'd be puttin' Dally on the spot. We're like a tag team sometimes." I looked over towards the nurse's station, my heart in my throat. I was worried about Johnny. I was worried about Dally. It was hard to put my troubles aside.

We sat down in the waiting room, while Ponyboy explained everything to Darry, Soda and I. I was only half listening, because half way through his explanation, a group of reporters came in with cameras and microphones.

They bombarded poor Ponyboy with so many questions, even I was getting dizzy listening to them. Eventually, Darry and I ganged up on them, and well, Darry's a big guy. They backed off only after I offered up a little information about the fire.

"The guys are heroes," I said strongly. "They risked their lives today."

"What do you think about the whole situation? Surely, you were frightened when you heard about Johnny Cade killing that boy in the park," the man asked me.

My stomach turned. I hadn't been expecting that question.

"No comment," I breathed, pulling away from him, moving carefully back towards the group. Darry threw me a glance and I simply shook my head.

"What about your cousin's involvement?" the man pressed.

"No. Comment," I spat. I was tired and sore and just wanted to go home and get a few hours of sleep. I noticed that Ponyboy wasn't looking too hot, so when Soda got to his feet and kept the reporters on their toes, I was grateful.

He grabbed one guy's press had and another's camera and was walking around interviewing the nurses and mocking the reporters. He even tried to lift a cop's gun and when he was caught, his grin was so huge, the cop grinned too. Soda has a knack for making anyone smile. Ponyboy managed to get his hands on some hair grease, so his hair didn't look too bad now. The bright flashes of the cameras were making me sick, so I wandered outside for some fresh air a while later, letting the cool night's air knock some of the tension out of my bones.

"You got family in there?" a man asked as I was smoking a cigarette.

"A cousin," I nodded, only half aware of his presence.

"That sucks. What's he in for?" he asked.

"Burned his arm up," I shrugged. I was too tired for all the questions.

"Wait, you're that kid's cousin? Johnny Cade?" he man asked. I looked up, my eyes blazing with anger.

"Dally," I corrected. "What's with all the questions?"

"I'm a reporter with-," I cut him off quickly.

"What the hell is it with you people? Stop with the god damned questions already!" I spat, turning on my heel and storming through the front door, irritated and tired.

I got back to the trio just as Darry was getting news on Johnny. I came up to his side, listening closely as the doctor explained Johnny's condition. He was in critical condition. His back was broken and he was in severe shock and had real bad burns all over his body. He was in a lot of pain but the doctors were doing all they could to ease it. Since his back was broken, he couldn't feel anything below his waist.

"Wait…" I whispered, my stomach churning. "Are you saying…" I couldn't utter the question. The doctor caught my drift and nodded slightly.

"If he lives, he'll never walk again," the doctor said dully.

If. If he lived. If. There was no freaking way I could handle that. I turned and walked away from my friends. I didn't stop when Darry called out my name. I didn't stop until I was in the parking lot, slowly making my way to the truck. I slammed my fist against the cold metal hood, my heart racing in my chest. If. If. If. If he lived. If!

"Joy," Soda's gentle voice broke through my thoughts. I turned just as he put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a half hug as Ponyboy climbed into the truck. I couldn't stop shaking, even after we were all piled in the cab of the truck, squeezed together like sardines. I couldn't get the sick, icy cold feeling out of my bones.

When we reached the house, Ponyboy was sound asleep. I nudged him softly, because he was awkwardly leaning against my arm and it hurt.

"Wake up kid, we're home," I said gently, shaking him.

"Mmm," he muttered.

"C'mon Pony, we're tired too," Soda pleaded. Soda had gotten out of the truck, but I didn't want to move and risk Pony falling over.

"C'mon kid, you're killin' my arm," I begged. My broken wrist throbbed like crazy and the burns across my arm and left side stung.

"Mmm," he mumbled again.

Darry must have realized it was hopeless, because he scooped Ponyboy into his arms, sending a chill up my spine as I slowly moved out of the truck.

"He's getting mighty big to be carried," Soda remarked as he held the door open for Darry.

"He's sure lost a lot of weight," Darry sighed softly. After Ponyboy was tucked safely in bed, I walked into the kitchen, nearly being knocked over by King, who eagerly jumped up at me, his front paws knocking one of the burns.

"God, dog, stop!" I snapped, swatting at him. "Not tonight," I begged. He whined and tucked his tail, looking up at me with dark, chocolate eyes.

I grabbed him by his scruff and pushed him out the back door, knowing for sure that the best place for him was outside. I took a can of pepsi out of the ice box and drank it quickly before laying down on the couch. The second my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.


	15. Chapter 14 - Come As You Are

The slamming of the front door jerked me out of my restless sleep. I sat upright in time to see Steve and Two-Bit waltzing into the kitchen. I groaned and laid back down, my head throbbing something fierce. Sleep wasn't going to come again, so I gave up and got off the couch, my hair a tangled mess. I groaned again and tried to pull the knots from my hair, but it was hopeless.

"You look like shit," Steve said as I walked into the kitchen, shoving him out of the way to get to the coffee.

"Bite me," I muttered, lowering myself into a chair. A second later, a big furry head landed painfully on my wrist, two paws digging into my lap. "King, get off me," I muttered, shoving him away. He whined and darted out of the kitchen, his tail wagging. I shook my head before lowering it to my arms, when the newspaper caught my eye.

**JUVENILE DELINQUENTS TURN HEROES**

The headline jumped off the paper. I grabbed the paper and skimmed the article, my heart sinking.

Beneath pictures of Ponyboy, Soda and Darry, there were a couple different articles. The main one stood out more than the others.

"Local boys risk their lives by running into a burning church to save several little kids," it read. "'They would have burned to death if it hadn't been for those boys' one child's parent had said. Two of the three boys, Johnny Cade and Ponyboy Curtis, were involved in the fight and murder of local boy, Robert Sheldon, earlier this week." I skipped past the interview involving Sherri Valance, I had been there when she defended the two to the gang a few days earlier. I didn't want to read about the murder. Dally's name caught my attention. "Dallas Winston, a young man who's a very familiar face in the police department, is a hero today. He pulled Cade from the fire, saving his life. If he hadn't, there is no way that boy would be alive." The words broke my heart. I took a deep breath and kept reading. The last line struck a chord. "Those boys shouldn't be separated after working so hard to stay together."

The look on my face caused Pony to tear the paper out of my hands. I let my head fall into my hands, my heart racing in my chest. This wasn't good. This was as far from good as it could get.

King came padding into the kitchen, one of Soda's old flannel shirts in his mouth. I smiled down at him despite myself, gently taking the shirt from his mouth. Over the last few weeks, I'd taken to borrowing clothes, since my own were worn pretty thin now. I pulled the shirt on and wandered outside for a cigarette, my head pounding along with my heart.

I overhead Pony's voice hitch in his throat as he read the article. I closed the door before I could hear him as the question that I knew was coming into his mind.

"It ain't fair, King," I said gently, running my hand through his fur. "Those three worked so damn hard to get where they are."

King looked up at me, almost as if he understood what I was saying. King was my brother's dog. He was the gang's mascot, but he was my brother's dog. Fiercely loyal and protective, yet the sweetest dog you could ever meet. Looking into his deep brown eyes reminded me of my brothers. All of them, not just the ones who were linked to me by blood. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that in just one short week, not only had I lost my entire biological reason in one way or another, but I had lost so many adopted brothers and sisters too. It made my heart break.

Now, with Johnny's life hanging in the balance, it seemed that much more real. I hadn't known the kid for long, but I knew him long enough to know that he was an amazing person. All these guys were. They weren't nearly as cruel or cold as the boys back home. They had heart. Darry? He gave everything for his brothers. Every goddamned thing. Two-Bit? His passion, his laughter and easy going attitude was a saving grace, even when things were bad. Sodapop's smile could brighten anyone's mood. Steve's passion for cars was remarkable. His anger, even that was fueled with passion. Ponyboy loved writing, reading and sunsets. His passion for those was so rare, it was like a hidden gem. Dally and me, well our bond was something no one would ever be able to really understand. And then Johnny…young, broken Johnny. It wasn't fair. None of it was. Why did bad things always have to happen to the good people?

I jerked out of my thoughts as Darry and Soda, followed by Steve, came out the front door. I stood up to get out of their way, but as I was turning to go inside, Darry caught my arm.

"Keep an eye on Pony today, would ya?" he asked softly. Soda threw us a look.

"Sure thing," I nodded. "Two-Bit's here too, right?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm a lil' worried about Pony though. He seems off," he said softly.

"Sure," I nodded, though I wasn't really listening. I was too lost in my own thoughts to really wrap my head around much of anything.

I waited on the porch for a while after that, blowing through the rest of my cigarettes, idly running my hand through King's fur. He was mellow for once, his head on her paws as he watched the leaves blow across the sidewalk.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to bawl my eyes out and forget the world. I wanted to get so high, that I couldn't remember how to come back down. I wanted to run like the world was on my back. I did none of those things. There was a rumble scheduled for that night, and I knew exactly where I had to be. I stamped out the butt of my cigarette just as Two-Bit and Pony were leaving the house.

"Where ya headed?" I asked.

"To visit Johnny and Dally," Two-Bit said with a grin. "Care to join us?"

"I'll meet you there," I shrugged. "I need to do something first."

"Okay," Two-Bit waved as the two made their way down the walk, headed towards Tenth Street.

I went back into the house and started picking up the things the boys were too preoccupied to clean. I put a load of laundry in the washer, making a mental note to hang it before it got too late. I put the dishes in the cupboards and cleaned out the ice box, which had food left from a month ago in it. I made the beds and tried to get as much cleaning done as possible. My mother would have been proud. She always said of all of us kids back home, I was the only one who used to problems to get shit done. I loved her for that. It was a habit I'd picked up from her.

Once I was done, I grabbed my coat off the chair and headed out the front door, only after locking King in the bathroom. I didn't need him plowing anyone over when they got back. I started down the street, my mind on two things. Johnny and Dally. Without them at tonight's rumble, we were going to be so short, it wasn't even funny. The odds were never really in our favor, but that night it was going to be a lot worse.

I reached the hospital in time to see Ponyboy and Two-Bit rushing out of Johnny's room. Pony looked sick and Two-Bit looked scared. I took a deep breath and turned away from them, instead heading right for Dally's room.

"You came," he said, giving me a funny look. "Didn't think you'd come."

"You're kin, Dallas," I said gently. "How ya feeling?"

"Good," he lied. I shook my head and walked over to him.

"I'm gonna be there tonight," he promised me. "Just you wait and see."

"Don't do nothin' stupid, Dally," I chided. It was pointless. There was no controlling Dallas Winston.

I managed to catch up with Two-Bit and Pony at the bus station. I didn't feel much like walking. I waved at Two-Bit, who nodded at me, as I went to sit by Ponyboy. He was looking awful sick.

"You okay, Pone?" I asked gently, laying a hand on his forehead. "You're mighty warm."

"I'm all right," he said. I could tell by his tone that he wasn't. "Don't tell Darry, okay? He'll never let me fight tonight if he finds out."

"Oh no, don't play that card with me, kid," I chuckled. Two-Bit came up to us, noticed the look on my face, and gently laid a hand on Pony's forehead.

"Glory, kid, you're real hot, you feeling okay?" he asked, his face filled with concern.

"I'm all right, honest," Pony pleaded. "C'mon Two-Bit, be a buddy, don't tell Darry. I'll be well by tonight. I'll take a bunch of aspirins!"

"All right," Two-Bit said reluctantly. "But Darry'll kill me if you're really sick and go ahead and fight anyway."

"I'm okay," he said, his tone turning into anger. "And if you keep your mouth shut, Darry won't know a thing."

We boarded the bus in silence, and as we rode, I overhead their conversation.

"You know somethin'?" Two-Bit said as we were riding home on the bus. "You'd think you could get away with murder, living with your big brother and all, but Darry's stricter with you than your folks were, ain't he?"

"Yeah," Pony said, "but they'd raised two boys before me. Darry hasn't."

"You know, the only thing that keeps Darry from bein' a Soc is us." Two-Bit said.

"I know" Pony agreed. Deep down, we all knew it.

I decided to go straight home once we got off the bus. I was tired and needed to grab another hour or two of sleep before the rumble. My back still ached from the fire, and to be honest, my broke wrist was hindering me more than I imagined it could.


End file.
